Best moment of my 19 year old life: yesterday Dan, Pat, and Sam bought me Lego!

In a big container! I'm so frickkin' excited - I finally own my own complete Lego set. Heaven or what? Haha All I need now is a Kinder Surprise revival, because it's so hard to find them anymore...

It's 2.40 on Saturday now, and since Friday I've had maybe 2 and a half hours of sleep. And there's still a full day to go. But I'm feeling content and happy, the past few days have been incredibly fun, and I can't wait to play with my Lego!

Pat and I made Lego houses at hostel yesterday - I'll upload pictures ASA I find the time.

Frickkin' ace Lego!!!! This year's prezzies have been the best so far - so thanks everyone! Scrapbook, beautiful scarf and a Lego set. Sigh - what more can a 19 year-old ask for?

fina

A Dustland Fairytale

It's kinda hard to express my state of mind now, except that it feels like there's a huge weight on my heart and I feel so down all the time. It may be difficult for everyone else to understand the way I feel right now, because before this, I myself had never been a fanatic of anything. But 2PM has been the centre of my universe for some time now; watching and listening to them brings me happiness, such as I have never known before. And Jay leads 2PM in doing this. He is central to my happiness. He was mostly what made Korean variety shows and reality television shows worth watching - his fearlessly goofy personality shines through, and he makes me laugh and gush and swoon all at the same time.

I felt devastated when he suddenly quit, barely four days after the whole saga started. It was like I was flying, being with 2PM, and he suddenly took away the wings. But what's worse now is not that he's gone, it's the uncertainty of his return. I cannot imagine life without him, specifically because all I've been thinking about these past few months were 2PM and him. Of course I support him in whatever he does, should he decide that he doesn't want to continue with the heavily supervised and scrutinised, vicious world of the Korean entertainment industry. But it would be the heaviest blow of all, because life would then seem bleak.

I'm keeping faith that he will return after he's found his peace of mind, back with his family (I refuse to say "...and friends", because 2PM are his friends too). His last interview before leaving Korea gives me hope: “I will stay healthy in America. I will come back as a better person.” I'll be holding on to those words, and I will be waiting.

I may sound uncontrollably melo-dramatic, or corny, or exaggerated, but all I'm doing is typing down what I feel about this whole thing.

Strange isn't it? Just a week ago I was so happy and carefree. Now... I can't really say. I can easily try to be funny and smiley in front of people, but as soon as I'm out of view I feel weighed down again.

I've been doing what 2oneday forums is encouraging us to do - bombard JYP's twitter account with messages pleading for him not to let go of Jay, make a video message in support of Jay, sign a few petitions in support of Jay, etc. But my expectations on how these could help is slowly going down.

I guess no one but Jay himself can make the decision to come back. Even right now I think a number of Korean netizens still don't want him back. Jay left thinking that many people hate him, and as long as these people's perceptions don't change, how can he come back? Not knowing Korean, it's not like I can pull out evidence of Jay's growth to prove to them that Jay is worthy of forgiveness and of being 2PM's leader again. And even if I could, I doubt that the same irrational people who petitioned for him to commit suicide would read what I write with open hearts. It's like my hands have been cut off.

I don't know how useful the ongoing petitions will be now, but I hope when Jay feels ready to make a decision regarding a return to 2PM, he will be able to feel our support and love for him through all these little things. And I hope he decides to return.

I don't feel like going on in my fervour to get people to sign petitions now, after looking at the dullness of the situation, but I signed this petition yesterday, and if you want to sign it as well: http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/jaebeom/signatures.html

In case you want to understand this whole issue which my heart explode in such a way, this blog makes the details pretty clear: http://not7but1.wordpress.com/

I doubt anyone will read this entire blog post, but it made my head feel clearer as I typed it out, even if it didn't make me feel better.

fina.

Who let you go?

Jay giving one last bow to everyone.

Fans trying to hold him back and stop him from getting on the plane.

Jay's left. So suddenly. I feel at such a loss right now because there's nothing I can do to turn back his decision. Unlike the fans in Korea, I couldn't go to the airport to try to stop him from leaving. Nor can I wait for him at the Seattle airport to give him support. I feel so helpless.

Pat and I found out the news while in lecture. We'd been refreshing AllKPop and Seoulbeats and Popseoul every few minutes to find out what was happening. And then the news came. And it was verified. We didn't want to believe it when Jay posted on the 2PM fancafe that he was leaving. But this blew our minds.

I just sat there in the middle of lecture, feeling like I'd lost a limb or an eye.

How is this different from other -Western- groups? Like when BSB left out Kevin?

For KPop, there's a lot more exposure of their stars, especially in the music industry. You see them on variety shows, on the music shows (like SBS Inkigayo, Mnet Countdown and KBS Music Bank), and in their own reality tv shows. So you see more of how they're like in real life (or as close to it as possible) - you see their personalities through the many funny, dorky, sad angry moments that they experience on such shows. And you fall in love with them. You feel like you know these individual stars, and you know how each group works with all the individuals.

Jaebeom - he's special. He's the leader of 2PM. He's the most uninhibited of all of them in acting dorky and making jokes, so you really feel the most closeness with him (even though it's through a TV or a computer screen). He cares so much for his 2PM members. He is unparalleled in his singing and especially his dancing. He has such a good heart. He anchors the group. He is their main focal point. He is their heart and soul. He belongs in 2PM. And people petitioning for him to commit suicide should kill themselves. Because if they don't, WE WILL KILL THEM.

I have to do something about this. I WILL do something about this.

fina*

Ethnocentrism. That's what Pat and I have decided to call the JayGate scandal (after Watergate).

Because the Koreans are making value judgments on things Jay did that differ from their cultural norms (such as speaking in an Afro-American slang and calling Korea "gay"), and therefore deem him to be worthy of deportation/ suicide (I swear, I'm not making this up). They call "traitors" those who voice support for Jay (who did admit his mistake and apologised), such as Wooyoung and Chansung, even when these poor boys aren't even condoning Jay's actions - all they did was say that 2PM are united.

Jay made a value judgment when he called Korea "gay", and saying (in not so many words) that he didn't like living there.

The Americans are making value judgments on the Koreans' reactions by saying that they are over-reacting and being overly nationalistic i.e. having too much pride in themselves and their country. They make value judgments on Jay by saying that he made a mistake in his youth and isolation, and that forgiveness is the way to go.

And I am making a value judgment when I say that I agree with the Americans that the Koreans are wrong. I don't care that I dislike the Koreans' reactions simply because they do not agree with the values that a more liberal Singapore (and global Internet) society has socialised me to believe are right. The Koreans may be polite in their use of honorifics and honoring the social hierarchy system of elders before youngsters, and politically correct in their actions and speech towards each other, but -damn!- are they so politically incorrect when it comes to other races/ ethnicities. I know of a few examples, but won't go into that because... well, because I need to finish my readings and have little time.

I have so many things to say to the Korean netizens who are telling Jay to go back to America and/ or kill himself. One such sentence starts with a "G", followed by an "o" and a "k", and ends with an "ill yourselves". Clear enough?

I am so bringing this up in HS 101 tomorrow when we talk about ethnocentrism!

oh yeah, sign this petition if you haven't already!

fina*

While trawling the comments on Seoulbeats.com and AllKPop.com, I found someone advertising a petition to save Park Jaebeom. He may have fallen down the ranks of "Fina's Guys to Marry" in recent months due to Wild Bunny episodes, but I still support him full-heartedly. Yes, he made a mistake FOUR years ago - he insulted Korea, called it gay, etc, etc (on his Myspace i.e. privately). But he has apologised for those comments. Plus, he called his friend "gay" in the same comments. So he wasn't exactly criticising Korea on its homosexual orientation (not that being gay is wrong or worthy of criticism...). At that point of time, he was a trainee, in a country whose customs and people were totally alien to him. So his actions, while not condoned, are understandable.

But for Korean netizens to sign a petition to send him back to US?! Like, WTF?? So even if you don't know or care whatever the shizz I'm talking about...

SIGN THE PETITION! I don't care if you don't care, as long as you sign. Please? Thank you.

http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/supportleaderjaypark/

This past few days has been quite the rollercoaster ride. But although some parts were especially sad, at least the entire family (except my brother who's stuck in Germany) was able to be together for a few days. My cousins from Melbourne flew in on such short notice, arriving on Friday morning even though they got the news only Thursday evening, and they flew back yesterday. We got to finally visit the grave too, on Sunday. May he rest in peace.

On another note, I took the Basic Theory e-trial tests, and I passed both, so I'm feeling quite good about the real test. I'll try to book it for this Friday, otherwise I'd have to wait till 14th August. Loooonnngggg wait. I really want to pass!

There was this tee shirt that I bought from Melbourne, which says Pop Art, and costs about SGD24.00. I really liked it, but I think I'm not fated to wear it. The first time, I spilled iced Milo on it and the stain wouldn't disappear for a whole week and a half. My mom finally got it out, but the colours got faded. The second time I wore it, (yup, even though the colours are faded) I spilled chocolate gelato ice-cream on it. WHY??!!!! (oh yea, and I spilled the ice-cream everywhere around Ion and Wheelock Place) I got it cleaned with bleach, but I don't know how the tee's holding up. =(

fina

post-second-last-paper has been so fun!!!
besides all the going out i did on friday and saturday,
i spent yesterday learning how to use the sewing machine, and making a vest from an old unused long-sleeved tee

and today i went to bugis topone (i think it's called), which is the one i'm used to
with pat, liying, jeremy, zong ze, shauna, bong, rachel tan and eilania
it was so fun!
unlike any other outings i've had before
because this time wasn't focused on the emo
but on the crazy, sugar-high kind,
like britney spears and pussycat dolls
and i finally got to hear shauna, bong and eilania sing!
so far the best group i've been with
haha
which is understandable considering that this time
keed's "staying alive" and "10 little indians" were missing
hahaha

and then we went to watch madagascar which was funny and sad and heartwarming all at once
awww
while eating long john's silver chicken in the dark with pat
and chucking the containers under the seats
(sorry cleaners! yep, it was us!)

after which, we witnessed jeremy in his domain!
the king of bugis arcade!
never losing a game on that 50cent credit he used
so zai (is that the spelling?) he was that he got tired of winning
and just left the game
hahaha

oh man
hope more days like this come up soon!
life really does start after 'a's!

fin*

wickham duped elizabeth. poor darcy got implicated.
you just can't trust appearances.

so what am i?
i pray to god i'm not lydia!
or mrs bennet!
the horror!

but i wouldn't mind being mr bingley...

fin*

p.s. boy did buses suck today!
i got sick riding 966 backwards, since the bus was so jerky
so i took 187 at pat's bus stop
and the bus was still jerky
and swerved
and drove on the road shoulder in the jam
i remember the bus number
1170T
huh.

i guess now that i think about it, the bbq yesterday was one of those occasions where i remember the good stuff only

yes, i was aware that a lot of not-so-pleasing things happened
like falling on the playground and hitting myself on the metal rungs, or dropping my garlic bread :(
hahah
but the rest of it was fun
even with the little clique-ish divides

keed got pushed into the pool
which was anti-climactic
heh
darn, it was supposed to be a nice swinging-fling into the pool
but the guys chickened out
could've gotten a good picture out of that, too

dan, jerrald and i seriously, seriously tried to have an intelligent conversation
that didn't involve cheese or bimbotic-speak
but we failed miserably
dan ended up talking to herself about the econs lecturer
while jerrald was doing who-knows-what
and i just stood there thinking of an intelligent expertise i can talk to myself about

results: the mixture of our three dna in the air when we talk is just too potently IQ-decreasing. we're bad for the world. kill us off, please.
mwa-HA-HA

blergh

anyways, today i woke up with a soaring headache and a dripping runny nose
still smelling of bbq smoke
went to the bookshop
but i wasn't of much use there
so i went to granny's house and slept
all the way till 8 pm

that was how my day was spent
and i don't regret it one bit
because it represents NOT having to study

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
that, my friends, is how BT1's demise make me feel like doing
i shall indulge in it once more
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

fina