I haven't been updating much recently, have I? I'll usually go through a phase of updating so regularly I think people become sick of reading about the same person's same thoughts and same mundane life, and then another phase where I become too lethargic/ uninspired/ busy to update.

And I have been relatively busy, I suppose. Not with too much schoolwork though. I'm surprisingly watching more TV than ever before. But what I have been busy with, is creating an imaginary situation with a few real characters, and 2 billion other man-made ones. It's been fun. I've been extremely diligent at it too. I'm quite proud of it. Which reminds me, I need to send it to Pat and Mel...

April is the month of many many birthdays! Syaz, Pat, my mother, Jaebeom, etc. I feel money that isn't even mine draining away. *flushes toilet*

And please don't make fun of my husband's goreng pisang anymore. It hurts his feelings, and mine too, because people really underestimate his gift just because of his stature. T_T Really, you'd be surprised at how much more blessed he is than the average-sized person. And he does the gym everyday, so it should tell you how both of us feel about this thing ;)

Haha Risque topics they are, but I'm pushing 20. Isn't that weird? I don't feel a day over 17. Nothing much has changed in me since I've been 17, except for the fact that I've started being even more immature and weird. Maturity is regressing for me. But I'm having the time of my life now, so I'm not really complaining about it. Seriously, I cannot imagine how it'd be to be all mature, and serious, and normal. Wouldn't life be boring? What do you talk about with friends? Schoolwork? Family? TV shows? More work?

I feel fine (albeit frequently disoriented) being who I am everyday. If I can bring laughter to people, or at least to myself, I feel like I've accomplished something. That, plus TV, is apparently all I need to feel content. I should just move to a foreign country, buy a satellite for cable TV, bring family and friends with me, and operate a small barely profitable shop where I have a lot of free time on my hands. Then I can go on holiday once in a while from this life-time holiday, to do things like skydive and bungee jump, before going back to my relatively uneventful life where I have time to switch back and forth between knitting, learning how to play songs on an electronic organ and a guitar, play with Lego and read fiction. And watch TV.

My ideal life - *sigh*. Not very realistic. But stamped all over with my personality: LAID-BACK (or just plain lazy).

Grey's Anatomy starting soon. Yay! I'll do tomorrow's readings later. Or tomorrow. Hmm.

P.S. Not only am I uninterested in schoolwork (although somethings we learn are interesting), but the boys in school are just plain -_-. I don't even have eye candy to keep me excited about school. Whyy???!!! (Maybe eye candy's such an immature concept, but it's so exciting when there is someone who catches your eye, someone whom I am currently missing. *another old person sigh*)

fina

"Brind old people. Mazeltov."

Yet another post this fine morning, but I had a really nice, yet not nice dream while taking a 20 minute break from readings. I dreamt that suddenly my whole family appeared at my hostel door just because they coincidentally happened to be in the area. How nice. Then I woke up, and realised there was no one around.

I seriously do feel like I'm recovering though=) It usually takes a week to recover from a cold, but I'm hoping I'll only be left with burning eyes tomorrow by the time I take the exam.

All in all, I'd say going to sleep at 10.30 and forsaking any studying was a reasonable choice, even if the entire night was spent fitfully tossing about. I feel horrible still today, but not as bad as yesterday. Perhaps it was the two Panadol Extras plus the two chlorphenamines that actually helped.

At least there's something to be said for yesterday: Usually, one day all alone in hostel makes me all homesick, but yesterday I was just sick. Hence only reading lectures and none of my 49 readings.

It's no good to be hovering between "so sick I can't study" and "not sick enough to miss an exam" hahaha.

I came back to hostel Saturday night at 10.30 pm to study...

...but it's 5.40 Sunday and I haven't even started yet on readings.

Bloody runny nose and fever :(

I've been sleeping on and off since I woke up at 10

but I think I'll start to feel better soon, so yay!

The only other irritating thing is: How to study for HS 102?

Besides Com 203, this is the only course in which I have no idea how to even begin structuring potential answers, since I don't know how potential questions will be like.

Which brings me to HS 101's catastrophe... you think you know how questions will be asked (in fact, that's how the whole cohort thought), and then the lecturer drops everyone a bombshell. Oh well, failing together means passing hahaha. I'm depending on you, all my coursemates, to have thought the way that I think you thought!

I'm so not in the mood to do readings; I think I'll re-read lecture notes first

Oh Yeah, By The Way.

Okay, I promise not to be emo in this post. No mention of you-know-who and you-know-what at all (and I don't mean Lord Volderm- I mean, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named).

I spent an entire day in hostel trying to do readings and finish homework. I had five items on my to-do list. I only managed to complete one. Reminds me so much of JC. Ahh, bad times.

Is there such a thing as rehab for K-Pop site/ forum addicts? Because all I do is check for updates. It's so fun and satisfying, but it cannot be good for me. Or maybe a youtube.com addict, since all I do is watch Korean variety shows on it. This is the life. As a mother, I shall make my kids sit down and watch them with me on weekends, so they learn to become witty and entertaining smart students. Then I can just watch my kids make me laugh instead of watching television.

Utopia!~

Anyways, I am planning to do laundry at six in the morning tomorrow, when nobody's awake. Because I am certain I won't know how to use the washing machines here, and need time and space to figure them out for myself without embarassing myself. *Yawns* I'm feeling sleepy just thinking about that lol.

Tomorrow's breakfast is more instant noodles. And maybe a choc breakfast bar. I can't have cereal because I'm out of milk. And Milo. And Vitasoy. Hmm, I need to go shopping again, but I didn't receive any money this week.

Speaking of the dollar signs... Yay, Hari Raya's this Sunday! Of course, I like it not just for money, because I like it for food! Yum, eating when there's actually sunlight, in public, along with little pieces of confectionary and sweet drinks. It's called "Weight-Gain" month, even though for me, Ramadhan isn't even a "Weight-Loss" month. There's always just too much food at home. How does a food-lover say no? As long as I can make it up the stairs to my room, I'm fine.

So ends my no-mention-of-the centre-of-my-universe post. I'm all for silent protests (pictures next post), and slowly being persuaded towards the boycotts. Am I an extremist then?

fina

Well, just as my little feeling of hope was blooming, it got killed off. By more evidence of a forced departure cropping up.

I feel so tired from longing for too much.

I did read the past few posts, and it was amusing to see how emo I was. The feelings haven't changed, but now I can understand how other people must have viewed me. "So silly, getting so emotional over an idol?" "How old does she think she is, 13?" But what's the point of a blog if you can't write freely in it? Does it matter how immature or over-reacting I may seem, as long as I'm truthfully writing what I feel at each moment?

Have readings to do. Homework to complete, two by this week. As usual, there's not an inch of any inclination in my bones towards doing them, but I will have to. I arrived back at the hostel Sunday night just so I can concentrate on assignments all of Monday.

Yay Hari Raya's next Sunday, but I have midterms that week. Sucky or what? I don't feel like I've learned enough to be writing anything down for professors to read. I'm still in secondary school writing mode, not even JC.

fina*

p.s. pat and I made a youtube video to support Jaebeom. Can you find it? It's kinda embarassing haha.

Ethnocentrism. That's what Pat and I have decided to call the JayGate scandal (after Watergate).

Because the Koreans are making value judgments on things Jay did that differ from their cultural norms (such as speaking in an Afro-American slang and calling Korea "gay"), and therefore deem him to be worthy of deportation/ suicide (I swear, I'm not making this up). They call "traitors" those who voice support for Jay (who did admit his mistake and apologised), such as Wooyoung and Chansung, even when these poor boys aren't even condoning Jay's actions - all they did was say that 2PM are united.

Jay made a value judgment when he called Korea "gay", and saying (in not so many words) that he didn't like living there.

The Americans are making value judgments on the Koreans' reactions by saying that they are over-reacting and being overly nationalistic i.e. having too much pride in themselves and their country. They make value judgments on Jay by saying that he made a mistake in his youth and isolation, and that forgiveness is the way to go.

And I am making a value judgment when I say that I agree with the Americans that the Koreans are wrong. I don't care that I dislike the Koreans' reactions simply because they do not agree with the values that a more liberal Singapore (and global Internet) society has socialised me to believe are right. The Koreans may be polite in their use of honorifics and honoring the social hierarchy system of elders before youngsters, and politically correct in their actions and speech towards each other, but -damn!- are they so politically incorrect when it comes to other races/ ethnicities. I know of a few examples, but won't go into that because... well, because I need to finish my readings and have little time.

I have so many things to say to the Korean netizens who are telling Jay to go back to America and/ or kill himself. One such sentence starts with a "G", followed by an "o" and a "k", and ends with an "ill yourselves". Clear enough?

I am so bringing this up in HS 101 tomorrow when we talk about ethnocentrism!

oh yeah, sign this petition if you haven't already!

fina*

It's strange how easy it is for me to forget how to do something that I did for every week of JC. Write. And not in the usual childish, personal way that I usually employ in blog-writing (if you can call it that - it's more like Random Weekly). Would you believe that I have the easiest task of writing 100 - 120 words on Canteen B for HW 101 Craft of Writing? I did 110 words, but doubts have come a-plaguing. Because I have no idea how it's supposed to look like. Did she want a narrative? Descriptions? In the first person? From an objective POV? Should I just do a draft of each of these elements and pick whichever's appropriate for tomorrow? Is it silly that I'm worrying so much over an easy 100 words?

Which reminds me: I need to get a printer. And maybe a rice cooker. Laptop cooler too. Definitely salmon belly sashimi for next week. ... Courage too, perhaps?

Did I mention how random I am?

Dinosaur cursors = love.

Guess what I was doing during lecture today? Yes, surfing the web, but besides that. Checking mail? No. Chatting? No. I was changing all my cursors!

Haha you know, the arrow thing that you use to control everything on the computer. I changed the main one to a banana, which just keeps peeling itself and re-growing. My "highlight text" cursor is a blue walking dinosaur. My "page loading" cursor is a drum with two sticks beating it. And my "link" cursor is a piano keyboard with the keys moving. Cool or what?!

Now I just keep moving my cursors just for fun. Because I like to make my dinosaur moonwalk and all.

I even changed my Recycle Bin to "Hell" so I can send items to be deleted to hell. And my web browser (Google Chrome) was changed to Narnia. Because the Internet is MAGIC.

I'm not so creative to come with all these ideas on my own, though. There's this website called mylifeisaverage.com, where people post all the mundane things they've done. And these are just some examples. But they're really fun! And unlike the fmylife.com people, the people who comment on this website are really supportive. In fact, anyone who's negative is deemed to be just like an FMLifer. It's a whole new cult society that I'm observing. Societies with different shared values of what they deem acceptable. Wow, sociology in mundaneness.

I keep eating junk food while living here in hostel. Breakfast was cereal and mini brownies, but break-fast was long john's silver and two cream puffs. I'm guessing breakfast tomorrow will be instant noodles. Not really healthy, considering my stomach's penchant for making trouble.

Plus, all these people campaigning for positions in the Hall committee keep giving free sweets and chocolate and stuff. I'm not complaining, but if these keeps up, I'll end up with a Fina that can't even make the thousand steps to her hostel room. Haha.

By the way, I love Love LOVE the new blog song I just put in. I keep going to my blog just to listen to the song. It's totally epic love story shizz. If you'll listen carefully, words like a-reum-da-un, which means beautiful, sa-rang, which means love, and nae-ga-seu-mae, which means my heart, are repeated so many times. It's about his unforgettable childhood love who's lost to him, yet still lives hidden in his heart. Just... whoa. And you can hear the longing in the melody and tone of his voice. Needless to say this is my new favourite song. And favouritest ever of F.T. Island.

Okay, let's go!

Haha - it's an inside joke.

fina

OMGOSH!!!!! I am absolutely tearing my hair out over this week's readings!!! Particularly HS 102! Killer... All over 10 pages, one with 23 pages, all in difficult language that I can't begin to comprehend. Whatever happened to English? It is definitely possible to convey complex ideas in simple English, so why are they trying to cause murders with their words?

Eotokke??!?? Thank goodness I'm not presenting tomorrow, but still... doesn't bode well for future presentations...

Isn't it sad that less than a month into uni, I already know this is just another one of those things in which I will not do well? The other two were... oh, let's see, secondary school and JC. But this is worse, because they don't "spoon-feed" us. I like to think, but never critically. So when all they do is ask questions, that leave me looking at just a question mark, it's perfectly understandable for me to be worried. I want answers. When I was in secondary school and JC, I could barely do well even when I was being given answers. So how in the world am I expected to succeed here?

This comes after two days that have included three tutorials and two lectures (well, I haven't watched the third one), in which I find my interest waning during lectures, and being rendered speechless in tutorials. Especially HS 103. I doubt anyone from that class except perhaps Pat will be reading this, but I apologise anyways, because the class is seriously dead. Every facet, not just the topic. I could feel my brain cells floating up with all the question marks nobody's bothered to answer, and wither sadly in the air. Pat and I have made a pact to speak up in every single tutorial, so of course we said something each. Beyond that, however, I could feel no comprehension nor stimulation happening in this thick skull of mine. Eoteoke?

Well, perhaps in anticipation of needing consolation at the end of today, yesterday Pat and I had planned to watch UP! today. And our new friend Jennifer came along too. UP! rocks! Like, seriously! I know it's just a cartoon, but it was so sad I could count at least four different occasions during the movie when I cried. Not shed a tear, but cried. It's not supposed to be a sad movie. In fact, it was downright hilarious at most parts. Perfect comedic timing and all. But the parts that were there to invoke sympathy just left me bawling my eyes out. PMS; don't worry about it. But even without PMS I would probably have shed tears, because the scenes and music were designed to break your heart without needing much dialogue. UP! is definitely a must watch for anyone - funny parts for the kids, funny and sad parts for babies like me. <3<3

Yesterday, at Syaz's invitation, Diana and I attended NUS' Malay Language Society's Iftar, which means "eat" in my understanding (lol). Saw many familiar faces from BP, as well as older brother's friends. Plus, my cousin attended too. Seriously though, how much ulu can NTU get? I realised that the appropriate answer is: A LOT. Because I took one and a half hours to get from that function room in NUS to my hostel bus stop. And Boon Lay isn't even that far from Clementi! I arrived at the hostel at 11, to find water everywhere because apparently there'd been a water fight with pails of water. Glad I missed it haha! (Shyness is such a bane T_T)

And so here ends my rant against my own state of "lack". There will be more, rest assured - I was born this way, and will probably remain this way forever, so there'll be plenty more reasons for me to complain about myself.

G'night!

fina

What's uni life all about? It's all about being scared shitless

Go to lecture, have brunch, answer the questions that are part of your readings and then find out it's redundant...

Go back to your room, watch Korean variety shows for an hour, have dinner, do readings for an hour or two, wile the rest of your night away on forums while waiting for the right time to fall asleep.

Is it really supposed to be as mindless as this? Granted, most of it's my fault since I can't muster up enough brain power to make sense of my readings, or enough motivation to look for more things to study.

I miss home, I miss the FUN mindlessness (because it's at least entertaining) that goes on at home, the seemingly-wasteful interactions with other family members which actually serve to make your feel comforted and at ease.

I'm glad my family's been calling to check up on me on the nights I've actually stayed in. And Pat's called too =)

So emo... one more minute till ten. I think that's a good enough time to start preparing for sleep. Packet Milo and yum bar for breakfast again, it seems haha.

fina*

(Readings scare me so much! As do essays... Aigo...)

So, here I finally am, spending my first night in my hostel room, sans roomie. Since there's nobody here and I've had my sandwich and vitasoy dinner, I'm feeling mega sleepy and bored. Really don't feel like reading anything. But I shall endeavour to anyways, because I have to wait until it's a decent time to go to sleep (plus, there's nothing for me to do on the internet).

Here's a picture of my room:

Haha yup, I brought my cheetah with me. Along with that hige red cushion, that red bolster, and two pillows. How over-packed am I? Haha

Oh yea, not to mention the cereal, breakfast bars, baby biscuits, instant noodles, mini snacks, packets of vitasoy and milo, ovaltine, and a few boxes of pills in case I get my usual runny nose.

There're lots more things, but too many that I'm too lazy to type it all out. Dang am I bored! Should do readings now...

I wonder how well I'll sleep alone tonight in this strange place...

fin*