Read my mind...

This month is just... too... unbearably hot... thank god for air conditioning.

[Ex-2PM]<- name of 2PM as they were before we knew most of them were fakes.

Ex-2PM's fans and anti-fans' anger must be heating up the whole world! Singapore's no longer a green city - we're brown now, since all our grass is fried to a lovely, caramelised colour.

I'm enjoying not doing anything for now, and it feels wonderful to wake up at 11, watch TV, eat, then watch more TV. I shall finally FINALLY finally get to doing a ringtone version of "lub, brind, PASSION!~" from Mazel Tov by Child of Empire. <- Golly, if that wasn't the strangest set of words ever?

And I shall finish The Official Blue Marx Personality Guide, which has been hard to do because unlike zodiacs and blood types, horoscopes are soooo long winded. It's a hard job being partly in charge of your own (fictional) entertainment company. You have to do everything by yourselves. Where's the manager when you need him?

In my alternate world, JYPE has been bought over, and trashed by our entertainment company. And 5PM (Ex-2PM minus Khun and Jay) are now living with their parents, who refuse to support them for free because they've been horrible sons. So now most of them (except Junsu) work the counter at McDonald's, while Junsu has to be kept in the back to make your McChickens and hide his mug. They all attend hypnosis sessions, paid for by Blue Marx, to subconsciously turn them into nicer, more polite people with the mentality of a 10-year old Girl Guide (who obviously would be more mature and kinder than the people they were before).

Khun is a huge pop star in Thailand, so now he spends most of his time there, unless he's in Singapore to hang out with Blue Marx's leader Emotional. Jay is living in the lap of luxury in the Blue Marx house, where he works with us on some of our better songs, and is fed grapes by the Blue Marx maknae Lovely. He flies over home often to hand his parents the bag-fulls of cash he's earned from being a solo artist under Blue Marx's entertainment company, and sometimes even flies his family over to meet Blue Marx. Our first joint world tour will be in 2011.

Aren't I creative when I'm mad? (and I mean mad in both senses of the word) ^^

fina

My last post was vulgar, to say the least. But I won't delete something that was an honest, spontaneous expression of my feelings at that time.

And whatever I said was true anyway. So BANANAPEEL it.

I haven't begun to/can't really start studying proper yet, even by this late stage. Midterm tomorrow - ah, what the heck? A fail wouldn't kill me. Maybe I need a year off or something to get things into perspective, because I'm really losing the focus on studying and schoolwork. What's the point of going to school when you're just going through the motions and aren't interested in learning anything?

Soooo restless now. Want a hot fudge sundae ^^

No more 2PM. 2PM are traitors. 2PM are liars.

Aftermath of the conference: You can never believe the "reality" you see on TV, can you? Relationships and personalities are all fake, all scripted. Once the money-making link is broken, once you don't need that person any more to succeed, you can easily throw shit on them and kick them out onto the street.

Fucking bastards, selfish mean-spirited assholes who've forgotten to whom they need to be grateful to and grateful for. Ok Taecyeon, Lee Junsu, Hwang Chansung, Lee Junho, Jang Wooyoung, you are all dead to me. Nichkhun you sweet soul, hope they're not treating you like shit there.

I am absolutely spitting mad and disappointed and betrayed by all that has transpired. They've fucking wasted my Saturday, making me worried about how those poor little dears are coping with the pressure and sadness. The poor fans who were there to see the fantasy image these boys have been cultivating crumble right before their eyes.

2PM is shit. 2PM is dead.

Goodbye.

Shitt...

I really cannot put my feelings into words right now, except "shit"...

A few days ago JYPE officially announced that Jaebeom has been permanently withdrawn from 2PM, and they've totally terminated his contract with them. Why? With the rather shady excuse that he called them on the 22nd of December saying he did something else wrong a few months before that. And worried that this will be an even bigger problem for them, they decided on January the 6th "with the other members" to save their own asses and dump him.

And they announced this when? On the 25th of freaking February. And other things don't match up. Like the fact that the other 1:59PM members were mostly in their hometowns or abroad. So how in fuck would they have been able to discuss this in a meeting to decide to kick their leader out? Also, until very recently, the other 1:59ers had been leaving hints left and right about how much they miss him and look forward to his return. Why would they have done that if they had played a part in deciding to kick him out more than a month before? WAE??!!

I feel so so mad and disgusted at the lengths some companies will go to save their asses at the expense of their artistes and fans. Like the original controversy about Jay calling Korea gay? JYPE actually covered up the fact that he complained about the slave 10-year contract they offered him only a month after he arrived in Korea, by blurring those revealing words and thereby not allowing the public to see it in the context it was in - that he called Korea gay because the only Koreans he was in contact in for that first month were from JYPE who wanted him to sign an inhuman contract of 10 years. That would have meant keeping him under company control until the age of age 30, when he'd be too old for them to make money out of him.

And here my gut feeling is that they're covering something else up. Stupid fucktards. Don't be shocked, I'm just more vulgar now. I don't care.

There's a conference going on between JYPE and fans for fans to ask questions, but cunning and devious JYPE has organised the structure of the discussion to their favour, by granting permission to mostly anti-boycott and personal fans who won't take a strong stand against JYPE. Only a fraction are pro-boycott, so this conference is now more like a fan-meeting where the fans there are to support and not question them. Super nerve-wracking; I'm refreshing my forum pages every few minutes to keep up since there are live updates.

Shit man.

I'm supposed to be doing my 2200 word essay, but my mind and fingers keep wandering. I just can't seem to concentrate on one thing unless it is absolutely urgent or last minute (same thing).

I have scrabble tomorrow (all together now: *big sigh*). It would have been more fun, if not for the fact that I completely suck at both scrabble and boggle. I never knew that words could be so complicated. Thinking, memorising, strategising - have I ever been good at any of these things? Never... And these people are competitive! They want to be champions! I'm thoroughly mystified by this way of thinking, since I thought recreational games were just that. Recreation. Have you ever heard of competitive recreational games? Erhm, maybe there's such a thing. I just haven't been socialised into such things yet.

Oh, essay, essay, dear essay. You are the bane of my existence. I don't know what to do with you right now. I'm not even close to being done. You will cause me to lose sleep. You bleeding lazy thing bleeding the life out of me. Now, get out of my tired, uncaring face!

Ha ha ha. I'm not making sense, nor am I actually amusing. So, so, sooooo sian with essay. If essay were a person, I would have already thrown it out the window, or made it be responsible for itself. Again, no sense made.

On a random note, the Jun brothers rock, Taec redeemed himself in my eyes, and Nichkhun just keeps appearing more and more useless.

fina

(Is it sad that I'm still waiting? When I should be doing the BLOODY ESSAY?! ... D= )

Went on twitter today. This made me laugh!

'At a festival, Jay went to the bathroom and ran into a fanboy. Dude said "I'm such a fan!" Jay said "Oh great! Now let's pee together!" hehe'

Of course, something else made me sad, with a little touch of irony: backstreet boys- BRIAN LITTRELL DIAGNOSED WITH SWINE FLU.

sighs.

On another note, people think Jeremy's interview is fake. It's so not, unlike some other group. He's just too jjang to be true. Hahaha. Glad I didn't get a sore throat though ^_^

My system-o-slumber still hasn't adjusted yet. Only was able to fall asleep at 4 am yesterday, had to wake up at 6 am for school. I think tonight while be early-see-Zzzzs night.

fina

p.s. Syaz, here's the clock picture. The underlying message is, well, underlying.

Boy am I happy to be back home!!! I haven't done a thing since Tuesday, and it feels good. I managed to take another picture for the 2PM forum thing yesterday, just before the deadline. And I took it... In front of Mustafa Centre!! Haha people were staring, but I can grow pretty thick skin when I want to.

Wow, never knew the picture'd be this big when I linked it straight from my photobucket...

oh wells

I always knew my cat had a raspy voice, but only now do I realise that cats lose their meows when they get older. Aww... But my cat can still let out a few good ones when he's really hungry for attention. And he's lost weight too, which is strange since there's still always food in his bowl. Aigo...

It's so hazy right now... looked like we were in Cameron Highlands or something haha. See the view? It was so hard to see where the button was on Thomas (my laptop) for me to click, but picture taken = accomplished mission.

Will start on some work late tonight... if I feel like it. There's Star Golden Bell and Ghost Hunters to be watched. Oh, and Singapore Idol. Wee!!! [EDIT] NO more Ghost Hunters... I'm so disappointed...

fina

Well, just as my little feeling of hope was blooming, it got killed off. By more evidence of a forced departure cropping up.

I feel so tired from longing for too much.

I did read the past few posts, and it was amusing to see how emo I was. The feelings haven't changed, but now I can understand how other people must have viewed me. "So silly, getting so emotional over an idol?" "How old does she think she is, 13?" But what's the point of a blog if you can't write freely in it? Does it matter how immature or over-reacting I may seem, as long as I'm truthfully writing what I feel at each moment?

Have readings to do. Homework to complete, two by this week. As usual, there's not an inch of any inclination in my bones towards doing them, but I will have to. I arrived back at the hostel Sunday night just so I can concentrate on assignments all of Monday.

Yay Hari Raya's next Sunday, but I have midterms that week. Sucky or what? I don't feel like I've learned enough to be writing anything down for professors to read. I'm still in secondary school writing mode, not even JC.

fina*

p.s. pat and I made a youtube video to support Jaebeom. Can you find it? It's kinda embarassing haha.

I am feeling so hopeful now that Jaebeom's return to Korea may be possible. Finally feel like smiling again. Plus, a friend of his printed out letters that fans sent to his e-mail to pass to Jay, and Pat and I've sent our letters.

Now we just have to wait. I don't care how long.

A Dustland Fairytale

It's kinda hard to express my state of mind now, except that it feels like there's a huge weight on my heart and I feel so down all the time. It may be difficult for everyone else to understand the way I feel right now, because before this, I myself had never been a fanatic of anything. But 2PM has been the centre of my universe for some time now; watching and listening to them brings me happiness, such as I have never known before. And Jay leads 2PM in doing this. He is central to my happiness. He was mostly what made Korean variety shows and reality television shows worth watching - his fearlessly goofy personality shines through, and he makes me laugh and gush and swoon all at the same time.

I felt devastated when he suddenly quit, barely four days after the whole saga started. It was like I was flying, being with 2PM, and he suddenly took away the wings. But what's worse now is not that he's gone, it's the uncertainty of his return. I cannot imagine life without him, specifically because all I've been thinking about these past few months were 2PM and him. Of course I support him in whatever he does, should he decide that he doesn't want to continue with the heavily supervised and scrutinised, vicious world of the Korean entertainment industry. But it would be the heaviest blow of all, because life would then seem bleak.

I'm keeping faith that he will return after he's found his peace of mind, back with his family (I refuse to say "...and friends", because 2PM are his friends too). His last interview before leaving Korea gives me hope: “I will stay healthy in America. I will come back as a better person.” I'll be holding on to those words, and I will be waiting.

I may sound uncontrollably melo-dramatic, or corny, or exaggerated, but all I'm doing is typing down what I feel about this whole thing.

Strange isn't it? Just a week ago I was so happy and carefree. Now... I can't really say. I can easily try to be funny and smiley in front of people, but as soon as I'm out of view I feel weighed down again.

I've been doing what 2oneday forums is encouraging us to do - bombard JYP's twitter account with messages pleading for him not to let go of Jay, make a video message in support of Jay, sign a few petitions in support of Jay, etc. But my expectations on how these could help is slowly going down.

I guess no one but Jay himself can make the decision to come back. Even right now I think a number of Korean netizens still don't want him back. Jay left thinking that many people hate him, and as long as these people's perceptions don't change, how can he come back? Not knowing Korean, it's not like I can pull out evidence of Jay's growth to prove to them that Jay is worthy of forgiveness and of being 2PM's leader again. And even if I could, I doubt that the same irrational people who petitioned for him to commit suicide would read what I write with open hearts. It's like my hands have been cut off.

I don't know how useful the ongoing petitions will be now, but I hope when Jay feels ready to make a decision regarding a return to 2PM, he will be able to feel our support and love for him through all these little things. And I hope he decides to return.

I don't feel like going on in my fervour to get people to sign petitions now, after looking at the dullness of the situation, but I signed this petition yesterday, and if you want to sign it as well: http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/jaebeom/signatures.html

In case you want to understand this whole issue which my heart explode in such a way, this blog makes the details pretty clear: http://not7but1.wordpress.com/

I doubt anyone will read this entire blog post, but it made my head feel clearer as I typed it out, even if it didn't make me feel better.

fina.

Who let you go?

Jay giving one last bow to everyone.

Fans trying to hold him back and stop him from getting on the plane.

Jay's left. So suddenly. I feel at such a loss right now because there's nothing I can do to turn back his decision. Unlike the fans in Korea, I couldn't go to the airport to try to stop him from leaving. Nor can I wait for him at the Seattle airport to give him support. I feel so helpless.

Pat and I found out the news while in lecture. We'd been refreshing AllKPop and Seoulbeats and Popseoul every few minutes to find out what was happening. And then the news came. And it was verified. We didn't want to believe it when Jay posted on the 2PM fancafe that he was leaving. But this blew our minds.

I just sat there in the middle of lecture, feeling like I'd lost a limb or an eye.

How is this different from other -Western- groups? Like when BSB left out Kevin?

For KPop, there's a lot more exposure of their stars, especially in the music industry. You see them on variety shows, on the music shows (like SBS Inkigayo, Mnet Countdown and KBS Music Bank), and in their own reality tv shows. So you see more of how they're like in real life (or as close to it as possible) - you see their personalities through the many funny, dorky, sad angry moments that they experience on such shows. And you fall in love with them. You feel like you know these individual stars, and you know how each group works with all the individuals.

Jaebeom - he's special. He's the leader of 2PM. He's the most uninhibited of all of them in acting dorky and making jokes, so you really feel the most closeness with him (even though it's through a TV or a computer screen). He cares so much for his 2PM members. He is unparalleled in his singing and especially his dancing. He has such a good heart. He anchors the group. He is their main focal point. He is their heart and soul. He belongs in 2PM. And people petitioning for him to commit suicide should kill themselves. Because if they don't, WE WILL KILL THEM.

I have to do something about this. I WILL do something about this.

fina*

Ethnocentrism. That's what Pat and I have decided to call the JayGate scandal (after Watergate).

Because the Koreans are making value judgments on things Jay did that differ from their cultural norms (such as speaking in an Afro-American slang and calling Korea "gay"), and therefore deem him to be worthy of deportation/ suicide (I swear, I'm not making this up). They call "traitors" those who voice support for Jay (who did admit his mistake and apologised), such as Wooyoung and Chansung, even when these poor boys aren't even condoning Jay's actions - all they did was say that 2PM are united.

Jay made a value judgment when he called Korea "gay", and saying (in not so many words) that he didn't like living there.

The Americans are making value judgments on the Koreans' reactions by saying that they are over-reacting and being overly nationalistic i.e. having too much pride in themselves and their country. They make value judgments on Jay by saying that he made a mistake in his youth and isolation, and that forgiveness is the way to go.

And I am making a value judgment when I say that I agree with the Americans that the Koreans are wrong. I don't care that I dislike the Koreans' reactions simply because they do not agree with the values that a more liberal Singapore (and global Internet) society has socialised me to believe are right. The Koreans may be polite in their use of honorifics and honoring the social hierarchy system of elders before youngsters, and politically correct in their actions and speech towards each other, but -damn!- are they so politically incorrect when it comes to other races/ ethnicities. I know of a few examples, but won't go into that because... well, because I need to finish my readings and have little time.

I have so many things to say to the Korean netizens who are telling Jay to go back to America and/ or kill himself. One such sentence starts with a "G", followed by an "o" and a "k", and ends with an "ill yourselves". Clear enough?

I am so bringing this up in HS 101 tomorrow when we talk about ethnocentrism!

oh yeah, sign this petition if you haven't already!

fina*

While trawling the comments on Seoulbeats.com and AllKPop.com, I found someone advertising a petition to save Park Jaebeom. He may have fallen down the ranks of "Fina's Guys to Marry" in recent months due to Wild Bunny episodes, but I still support him full-heartedly. Yes, he made a mistake FOUR years ago - he insulted Korea, called it gay, etc, etc (on his Myspace i.e. privately). But he has apologised for those comments. Plus, he called his friend "gay" in the same comments. So he wasn't exactly criticising Korea on its homosexual orientation (not that being gay is wrong or worthy of criticism...). At that point of time, he was a trainee, in a country whose customs and people were totally alien to him. So his actions, while not condoned, are understandable.

But for Korean netizens to sign a petition to send him back to US?! Like, WTF?? So even if you don't know or care whatever the shizz I'm talking about...

SIGN THE PETITION! I don't care if you don't care, as long as you sign. Please? Thank you.

http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/supportleaderjaypark/

Omo, I'm almost hyperventilating because Lee Junho,

the actual Junho from 2PM, updated his twitter while I was online!!I got a shock when I saw that his twit was only a minute before i came online. It's so cute how he uses "yo" a lote haha.

I naively replied, thinking I'd be the first fan, but no, turns out there are just as many lucky girls/ fanboys out there... oh wellz.

The screen-capture was way after the first tweet, 'cos I'd already logged out, and logged back in to capture this historic moment when a 2PM member actually starts twittering continuously. Ohh... now I'm never logging out of Twitter in case Jay, Woodong or Taec goes online. AAAHHHHHHHHHH: totally fangirling.

what's even better is that he updated with pics!!! Omo...

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where The White Boys Dance.

So it seems I'm not the only K-pop crazy person I know! Haha There's this song that I've been listening to Again and Again, by 2PM. Seriously, I always seem to fall hardest for bands that I'm not initially impressed with.

Case in point: Tokio Hotel. I laughed when i first saw their music video for Ready, Set, Go, but my sister slowly pulled me into liking them (and God forbid, even their songs). That train's come and gone though, because I seem to get over things really fast haha.

And now my attention has turned to 2PM! I actually thought they couldn't sing, when I heard their first single called 10 Out Of 10, but their new song's really addictive. Watch them on Idol Army on youtube - they are seriously one group of cute, really funny guys. 2 AM too! (2AM+2PM = One Day. Seriously! They're branches of the same group. 2AM sing ballads, while 2PM are more performance-centric)

From left: Chansung, Wooyoung, Junsu, Jaebeom, Junho, Nichkhun and Taecyeon.

2PM's leader is Jaebeom, who's actually from Seattle, and he's an '87 baby. He kinda looks like Jokwon, the leader of 2AM, although he's not as fruity as him. He has such a fun sense of humour, and at 174cm he's the shortest of the group, poor baby (Junho and Wooyoung are 178cm, Junsu is 180cm, Nichkhun is 181cm, Chansung's 182cm, and Taecyeon towers over all at 185cm How can anyone not look short?). Obviously he's my favourite of the group, even when he's cocky at times, because he is cocky-funny. And he is so frickin' sexy! His upper body is so fiiinnneee... Haha. He's by far the best dancer of the group, and although he falls flat a little when singing, he does vocal runs quite nicely. =D

Jaebeom <3

I suppose besides Jaebeom, my second favourite is Wooyoung, who's an '89 baby. He's so cute and funny (Okay, they're ALL funny), and crazy! There was one episode of Idol Army where he had to fulfill a mission: To go out onto a street alone, get food for free, and get recognised. Woyoung doesn't really have the star appeal of Jae and Nichkhun, so he wasn't recognised by anyone and had to beg for the food. And he was so funny, acting like he was whining and stamping his feet. Cute! He makes the funniest comments, and likes saying "Oh My God!" when something shocking happens. Chances are he learned that from Jae, Nichkhun or Taec...

Wooyoung

Junho's a '90 baby, and he looks like Rain. I think he has a much more controlled voice than both Jaebeom and Junsu, and he's one of the better dancers of the group. Unfortunately, in Idol Army, he's rejected by almost ever single girl/ guy group, poor guy. But he has a good humour about that. And he has random outbursts of English, which some Netizens have commented sounds like he's imitating Rain's English.

Junho

Chansung's the maknae (baby/ youngest) of the group, a Feb '90 baby, but he somehow looks the oldest haha. His 182 frame certainly does contribute to that image. He looks macho-est, but he's realy goofy, and loves to eat aLOT. He looks a lot better since he's cut his long hair, and he's my sister's fave 2PM member. Always bullied by the guys haha.

Chansung

Taecyeon is the tallest, and is from Boston, which he moved to when very young. Born in 1988. He looks like my brother when he smiles with the large teeth he has, which is a little disconcerting for me. Darn that brother of mine, because I really like Taecyeon. He raps, along with Chansung.

Taecyeon

Nichkhun's born Thai, but LA bred. His Mum's Chinese, while his dad is Thai, but with brown hair he looks somewhat Eurasian. With black hair though, he looks more Asian. Like Taec, he was born 1988. He's considered the cutest of the group, with a baby face and smiley eyes and baby-buttock skin (haha). He is a girl magnet, and the arguably the most recognised member of the group. Remember the Idol Army mission that I talked about? Everyone else wasn't recognised at all (since they debuted just last year), Jaebeom was recognised after maybe 7 minutes, and Taecyeon didn't take part. All Nichkhun had to do was step out of the bus, and in 3 seconds girls came running towards him! Wooyoung had to plead for food, and Jaebeom had to sing for a discount, but Nichkhun automatical got two free pieces from the aunty because he's "so beautiful!". How unfair is that? Haha He's near the bottom cos even though he's cute and funny, I don't think he dances or sings particularly well.

Nichkhun

Junsu's (child of '88) face I didn't like as soon as I first saw their music video, but watching Idol Army, he's growing on me. The boys tease him alot because they say his head is so big haha, and he's probably the least attractive of the boys, but he's funny. And his face was so funny in the SHINee (another Korean boyband) episode of Idol Army, when he was blowing the ping pong ball. He's considered the best singer of the group, but he sometimes lacks control and goes flat or sharp sometimes in ballads. But he seems like a nice guy.

Junsu

So that's a 2PM intro. I love them! More bands probably coming up. Maybe I'll do 2Am next.=)

fin*