My last post was vulgar, to say the least. But I won't delete something that was an honest, spontaneous expression of my feelings at that time.

And whatever I said was true anyway. So BANANAPEEL it.

I haven't begun to/can't really start studying proper yet, even by this late stage. Midterm tomorrow - ah, what the heck? A fail wouldn't kill me. Maybe I need a year off or something to get things into perspective, because I'm really losing the focus on studying and schoolwork. What's the point of going to school when you're just going through the motions and aren't interested in learning anything?

Soooo restless now. Want a hot fudge sundae ^^

No more 2PM. 2PM are traitors. 2PM are liars.

Aftermath of the conference: You can never believe the "reality" you see on TV, can you? Relationships and personalities are all fake, all scripted. Once the money-making link is broken, once you don't need that person any more to succeed, you can easily throw shit on them and kick them out onto the street.

Fucking bastards, selfish mean-spirited assholes who've forgotten to whom they need to be grateful to and grateful for. Ok Taecyeon, Lee Junsu, Hwang Chansung, Lee Junho, Jang Wooyoung, you are all dead to me. Nichkhun you sweet soul, hope they're not treating you like shit there.

I am absolutely spitting mad and disappointed and betrayed by all that has transpired. They've fucking wasted my Saturday, making me worried about how those poor little dears are coping with the pressure and sadness. The poor fans who were there to see the fantasy image these boys have been cultivating crumble right before their eyes.

2PM is shit. 2PM is dead.

Goodbye.

Shitt...

I really cannot put my feelings into words right now, except "shit"...

A few days ago JYPE officially announced that Jaebeom has been permanently withdrawn from 2PM, and they've totally terminated his contract with them. Why? With the rather shady excuse that he called them on the 22nd of December saying he did something else wrong a few months before that. And worried that this will be an even bigger problem for them, they decided on January the 6th "with the other members" to save their own asses and dump him.

And they announced this when? On the 25th of freaking February. And other things don't match up. Like the fact that the other 1:59PM members were mostly in their hometowns or abroad. So how in fuck would they have been able to discuss this in a meeting to decide to kick their leader out? Also, until very recently, the other 1:59ers had been leaving hints left and right about how much they miss him and look forward to his return. Why would they have done that if they had played a part in deciding to kick him out more than a month before? WAE??!!

I feel so so mad and disgusted at the lengths some companies will go to save their asses at the expense of their artistes and fans. Like the original controversy about Jay calling Korea gay? JYPE actually covered up the fact that he complained about the slave 10-year contract they offered him only a month after he arrived in Korea, by blurring those revealing words and thereby not allowing the public to see it in the context it was in - that he called Korea gay because the only Koreans he was in contact in for that first month were from JYPE who wanted him to sign an inhuman contract of 10 years. That would have meant keeping him under company control until the age of age 30, when he'd be too old for them to make money out of him.

And here my gut feeling is that they're covering something else up. Stupid fucktards. Don't be shocked, I'm just more vulgar now. I don't care.

There's a conference going on between JYPE and fans for fans to ask questions, but cunning and devious JYPE has organised the structure of the discussion to their favour, by granting permission to mostly anti-boycott and personal fans who won't take a strong stand against JYPE. Only a fraction are pro-boycott, so this conference is now more like a fan-meeting where the fans there are to support and not question them. Super nerve-wracking; I'm refreshing my forum pages every few minutes to keep up since there are live updates.

Shit man.

I know my rights, I've been here all day and its time for me to go

From now on, I shall be a guy. They have all the perks, except for NS. I shall be a guy, but gay, because I'd still like my Jaebeom and Yonghwa (whom I shall very excitedly write about in the next post!).

It's so weird that after so many conversations with people about why guys have more freedom than girls, the only answer I've gotten is "because they're guys".

Pressing on further, they then reveal that it's a fact (so they think) that guys are born stronger than girls, and therefore can take better care of themselves than can girls.

So, I ask, what if you were to throw in extra factors? Such as improved strength, and self-defence knowledge? Would that then allow the girls to be on par with guys in terms of self-defence, and therefore more deserving of the same amount of freedom as the guys?

The reply I got was an emphatic "no". So this means that the cause is not that girls are weaker than guys, I reasoned. So why then do girls receive lesser freedom than guys, even if they (let's just say) can take care of themselves just as well?

"Because they're girls", an answer which has led me to conclude that all those people who put forward such an excuse are only going round in circles and show no logic. Therefore, they are quite obviously idiotic morons who are worth my time of day.

Hence the reason why I am a guy as of this moment. I shall still dress like a girl, and men have long hair anyway, but I shall do things like a guy would. I shall not do dishes, I shall not cook, I shall not wash, or dry, or fold clothes, or any of such sissy, girly, weakling things to do. I shall leave my room messy, I shall play computer games all the time, and thus I shall be able to have more freedom.

Freedom, although evasive, is an illusion that I'd like to think I possess.

Your bro,

Fred.

I have never been more serious in my whole life.

Fact #1:

University makes you delusional.

Fact #2:

K-Pop makes you delusional.

Conclusion: I'm off my rocker.

Good thing is, Pat and I have been way more vocal in classes than last year due to this delusion. When you repeat to yourself that you're a ****** person enough times, you subconsciously begin to believe your make-believe until it is no more "make" than "is", and you begin to act according to traits which have been generally associated with the occupation of delusion. Confused? You're supposed to be - these are the delusional ravings of a make-believe ****.

We've a 52-page reading due tomorrow, and I am a quarter of the way done, without being anywhere near understanding it. I know we'll have to speak up in class for participation marks to be awarded, but I guess tomorrow shall have to be an off-day for me =(. The only thing I can grasp is that primitive people were happily communist in lifestyle, and were more rich in leisure time than we. What I do not grasp is what I am supposed to critique in the reading, and what can we do about the current situation anyway? *sigh*

** Just realised we only need to read half of the 52 pages. Yay!

Note: Certain words used in this post have been censored in order to prevent further deterioration of the original poster's reputation, or what is left of it. Your kind understanding is much appreciated.

fina

P.S. I never knew PMS ran in men too. If I had, I wouldn't have been so disgruntled when males start having strange emotional-driven reactions to their surroundings. Now that I understand, it makes it easier to over-look such peculiar habits. Some people (like me) cry, some people throw tantrums. Who am I to judge?

P.P.S. I have been less and less motivated to update the blog. And I have fewer and fewer exciting things to update with. Somebody help my dry spell? =(

Another post during a HS 202 lecture.

I am NEVER going to raise my hand in lecture. Ever.

Naega Chingu: ParkMingSoo

PMS (oh, just an old friend of mine) acts just too funnily when it visits me. As some of you know, it's just so hilarious that it brings tears to my eyes. In this lovely month of January, it's visit seems to be lasting a little longer than usual. It's been three days so far, and I'm wondering how long more it'll stay.

On the first day of it's visit, I cried when watching So You Think You Can Dance. It was the finals, and they asked Twitch which his favourite choreography was. He replied saying it was the one dedicated to the choreographer's handicapped daughter, and they showed a little snippet of the beginning of the dance . And I cried like a baby. Especially since Mary Murphy was crying too.

Second day, I had cold dark chocolate after eating bibimbap. Felt too sick to last an MRT ride standing up, so I took a 1hr 45 minute bus ride so I could sit and sleep. I felt a lot better afterwards, but later on, while watching Chitchat of Beautiful Ladies, I cried again. I cannot for the life of me remember over what, or perhaps it was over a different show.

And today, I watched Let's Go Dream Team, where they went to Canada to compete with UBC's ice hockey players. I cried when they talked about the Vancouver Winter Olympics, and showed a Korean speed skater on screen.

I AM SO WEIRD!

Ah well.

Changing topics, I decided not to go swimming this morning. My cousin couldn't make it, and having slept at 2 playing with Lego, I felt too tired to leave the house. At least I'm going swimming tomorrow. Yay! And after that, night cycling!

This week has been so slack, but I'm worried about next week. Tutorials start, and I'm sure I'll have nothing constructive or even non-embarrassing to say in class. And there're still classes left to swap... Woe.

fina

We're in HS 202 lecture now. I am NEVER going to say anything in this lecture ever again.

The new semester begins tomorrow, and I couldn't care less about preparing. Case in point? A nine-member K-Pop boyband just debuted, and already I know all their names and faces!

No tutorials this week?

fina

Remember somewhere in the post before, I mentioned staying awake for two days with only 2 hours of sleep, and sleeping only at 2 am the second day? Well, I think I just surpassed that, maybe not in terms of sleep lost, but activities managed lol.

I didn't sleep at all on Wednesday, and on Thursday 4AM we left for the airport. We said our goodbyes and "get-this-for-me"s after hot tea at the kopitiam at T1, and he left. 6 months in Austin - I hope he learns to appreciate his family while he's there! Haha

We had breakfast at Bukit Timah at 6AM, before sending my sister to school in Woodlands. We were only able to get back home to catch up on sleep (much, much needed in my case) at 8AM. But since I had a driving lesson at 10, I woke up at 9AM again. There goes my shut-eye time.

I learnt to parallel park today! Granted, he gave me extra extra space and all, but it was my first attempt anyways. I feel like I'm one step closer to actually being a licensed driver now.

I got home at 12.30PM after the lesson, shared a little instant ramyeon with my cousin Diyanah and watched the Star Golden Bell episode that featured Jaebeom (sighs). Headed off to the swimming pool at 3PM, and swam until our limbs were about to give way. Strangely, i didn't feel sleepy at all - just so so tired. lunch was chicken rice at 5PM, since swimming always makes one ravenous.

I finally went to sleep at 6.30PM, but it was another short 1 and a half hour nap. And I've been awake ever since. Nearly 3AM now; I could go to sleep, but watching Maknae Rebellion on Youtube is so addicting! Anyone into KPop or just unentertained at the moment should look it up and watch it now!

Next on my list is MBLAQ's Idol Army. All before school starts?

fina

Yay swimming on Saturday too! I'm so black now, compared to the untanned parts of my legs, it looks like I'm wearing thigh-high black stockings!

I'm supposed to be asleep, since we have to wake up at 2AM to send my brother to the airport, but my mind's a riot of thoughts. He'll be gone for 6 months and what did I pray for him besides his safety? Only that he returns a better person (and that he doesn't lose any money there hahaha).

BUY ME KEYCHAINS FOR EVERY CITY YOU VISIT, MMKAY? I DON'T CARE HOW TOURISTY IT IS! Oh, and buy me Nike shoes - I'll be eternally grateful (:

Everyone's done their re-cap/ resolutions post, except for me. Not that I don't have resolutions, but I haven't really thought about 2009 as a whole, and I've procrastinated so much on blogging about some events that I feel like the year isn't complete yet. So looking back, what I feel at this moment is: MUST make it to Melbourne this year! Then we can go tobogganing on snowy slopes, and shopping! And must definitely get my license by then so I can drive us anywhere.

Gym-ing fell-through today, because my cousin couldn't make it. So I spent my day playing with Lego (again), and furnished the two-storey house that I made on Sunday with a garage for the Hummer, a horse, a stable, and a new bathroom that comes with a shower cubicle. And I'm proud to say that I managed to use up every single piece in that bucket! The stable's roof looks a little bit messy, since it's made up of leftover pieces, but it covers the horse. I'm proudest of the toilet, built above the garage, because I simply love the shower! I even made up a story about the occupants of the house (a rich young lady, and her servant boy). I'll post that, and pictures, one of these days.

Yesterday (or rather, two days ago?) Pat, Dan and I couldn't go cycling because of a certain monthly visitor, so we went to the National Museum instead. $5 student price, and you can roam nearly the entire museum! You know the mummy show that you pay $15 for? Yup, that was included too. Cool exhibition - it's the real McCoy, too. The actual mummy freaked me out a bit, though. I stood there staring at the mummy, when I realised that an actual body lies under the wraps, and I could make out the nose and stuff. Felt like puking. But still, I'm glad I got to see a real mummy.

We're going swimming today. Yay! Right after my driving lesson, I'll go home, eat a banana or two, and then head to the swimming complex with my cousin to work up an appetite. Then lunch! I'll make ddeokbokki; I kinda miss it haha. I think we're going swimming again on Saturday. I really hope it happens, because I'm looking forward to it already.

If anyone wants to go swimming or cycling, just give me a call whenever. I'll make time for it!

Okay, 1.30AM - maybe I can take a short nap. Good night, ya'll!

fina

Why is life getting more exciting only when the holidays are ending? *shakes head*

Blast off, in 5, 4, 3, 2...

I can't believe how lazy I've been these days with updating the blog. Too lazy. I can't sit still in front of a computer enough to upload pictures and write down stories. So today I'll write only till I've had enough, then I'll leave it till next time (as always. Me, the great procrastinator. Remember my promise to update on Sri Lanka? Yup, nearly six months ago.)

Okay, so here's a run-through of what's happened since the holidays began (just in case I don't get around to posting pictures):

(Disclaimer: may not be in chronological order since even I have forgotten when what happened)

1st December

1. End of exams = free at last muahahaha!

1st December

2. Went to the Twilight&New Moon screening with Pat, Diyanah, Sabrina and Nadhirah. Second movie's so much better than the first, even if it was a little cliched. But that's exactly what the whol Twilight saga is, isn't it? Cliched? But that's why we love it! To laugh at the dialogue and acting in the first movie, and then to swoon over Jacob Black (or at least just his body) in the second.

4th December or so

3. Science Centre with MARX! Aishah, Mel, Pat and I signed autographs in the guest book, since we know our fans the E.T.s will want to see them, and collected stamps on our arms (okay, only I did that). And then wandering around Daiso where everything is fabulous and the evilness that reigns in Aishah kept trying to persuade me to buy cool-yet-useless contraptions I will never use.

4th - 7th December

4. Stayed at grandma's place, as blogged before. Probably gained another 5kg from that stay.

12th December

5. 19th year of being alive... we're so old... had PMS, so I embarrassingly had a crying melt-down at Secret Recipe where we had (a non-celebratory) dinner. But cake was good. Mmmm.

6. Scrabble... stayed in hostel for 8 days, spread over 2 weeks. Training till 12 am. My cousins Sabrina and Diyanah, and my dear sister stayed with me for two nights, so after I came back from training we'd cook rice or instant noodles or something, and stayed up till 5 watching movies on Thomas. Hall 9 eventually won the gold for IHRG, but I didn't play a single game, so it was a purely IC-related medal.

18th December

7. Lego-receiving ceremony! With Pat, Dan and Sam! And then Pat and I went back to hostel to play Lego, and tidy up my thing for the big moving day. To those who know what I'm talking about, I felt so bombed by the next morning, and I had to continue through the next day on only two hours of sleep. Dang tired, but had a hella roaring good time too. Eventually slept at 2AM, which equates new record of staying awake and kicking while suffering from extreme fatigue.

19th - 20th December

8. My Aussie cousins flew here on the 17th, like omgyayness. They (Amalina and Siti) stayed over at my place for two nights. I'm not sure what we did... watch a movie? AVATAR! Fabulous, magnificent, spectacular movie. They helped me move some things left over from hostel (farewell, Hall 9), watched more movies - because really, what else is life about? - and ate out.

21st - 25th December

9. Trip to Langkawi with the Aussiefam, and two other cousins from two different families. The two hotels we stayed in weren't the best, but you can't really expect much from a late booking. But, golly, the fun we had! We did so many things, which probably cost a small fortune, but we hardly shopped at all, so equilibrium achieved. I definitely will post pictures soon! BTW, Merry Christmas!

26th December

10. Finally had the 19th Birthday celebration/ memorial service at the Carousel, at the Royal Plaza hotel on Scotts. It was still Christmas season, so there was a magician and a juggler doing their rounds at the tables. Super cool. I ate until I was so full, that I could hardly breathe, so I took a walk to the Adidas store nearby to scout out my potential birthday presents, i.e. shoes. I can't wait to buy shoes!

27th - 29th December

11. Stayed at cousin Diyanah's place this time, with Amalina, Siti, and my sister. We watched Sherlock Holmes on the 28th, and played games and watched movies for the rest of the stay.

30th December

12. Cycling with Pat! Nearly 2 straight hours of cycling, which resulted in two very tired TEENagers (yes, we're still teens at least), and a blistered and sore butt (mine, obviously). We could barely walk properly. Lunch at Pastamania, rest at the library, and home for more rest.

31st December

13. Wild Wild Wet was soooo fun and tiring. I thought the Langkawi tripped tanned me, but this outing nearly burnt me alive! I used three layers of sunscreen on my face, one of SPF130 and two of SPF 50, and still I got ravaged by the sun. By the end of the day my skin was sore and feeling kinda tight, and my cheeks were burning red (really, seriously, red) from the sunburn. Not to mention I grew infinitely more brown. So I looked like a dark chocolate Fina who'd put on too much red blush. Diyanah, Sabrina, Amalina, Siti, my sister and I then met two older cousins, Kak Mas and Kak Hajar, at the Tampines SAFRA to play board games at the Minds Cafe. We were probably the noisiest bunch there, with lots of screaming and uncontrollable laughter. Screaming, due to the nature of the games, and laughter, well, because we were having a ball of a time.

2nd January

14. Amalina, Siti and family flew back to Aussie. I was kinda sick of their faces by then (HAHAHA) so it wasn't really an emotional goodbye. But they won't be returning here this year, since they've flown here thrice already in 2009. But if all goes to plan, and I get to go Melbourne again in July, then I'll see them again. Hopes up!

And today's the 4th of January, already into the 2010 year. How fast does time fly? I hope fast enough, because there's still 7 semesters left of NTU. Woe... Had dessert at Swensen's last night, because I'd been craving ice-cream since forever. And my first driving lesson of the year. And there's cycling tomorrow! Gym on Wednesday with my cousin, and swimming again on Thursday! I'm already too dark for my foundations and concealer, I may as well go all the way. Anyone else wanna go swimming?

One downer recently though, was the sold-out tickets to The Killers concert in Singapore on the 24th. :''( They're seriously like my most favourite band ever, and I won't get to see them in concert. Kinda found out about their concert too late... sighs.

Will update about the Langkawi trip with pictures soon... I swear! along with Sri Lanka pics!

fina

Best moment of my 19 year old life: yesterday Dan, Pat, and Sam bought me Lego!

In a big container! I'm so frickkin' excited - I finally own my own complete Lego set. Heaven or what? Haha All I need now is a Kinder Surprise revival, because it's so hard to find them anymore...

It's 2.40 on Saturday now, and since Friday I've had maybe 2 and a half hours of sleep. And there's still a full day to go. But I'm feeling content and happy, the past few days have been incredibly fun, and I can't wait to play with my Lego!

Pat and I made Lego houses at hostel yesterday - I'll upload pictures ASA I find the time.

Frickkin' ace Lego!!!! This year's prezzies have been the best so far - so thanks everyone! Scrapbook, beautiful scarf and a Lego set. Sigh - what more can a 19 year-old ask for?

fina

I can't talk about Hall 9 Scrabble... so I shall snitch on other halls!

I first thought Hall 16 was darn zai, because this guy scored 406 so easily within his first 10 minutes of the game once. But he met his match against this guy from Hall 10 who was actually leading for most of the game. The funny thing was, as I was sitting there, it felt like a battle of epic proportions since both were expert, final year students, business versus accountancy. And they weren't exactly friendly to each other. The first guy's face was so cramped for most of the game, while the Hall 10 guy was smiling and laughing to himself. And then the first guy got a scrabble. And so he won. The end. But they were talking to each other like friends after the game, so I don't know if they were faking being unfriendly during the game or what.

I'd tell you more, but I'd bore you hahaha.

For something more interesting and WOW, watch this:

because Jay's just that much cooler than all of us. Needless to say his crew won. And check out one of his team-mates - feels like an ace b-boyer to me. I went "whoa" so many times while watching the video.

fina

mylifesuqs

P.S. joypop and popjoy are words in the scrabble dictionary, but you won't find popjoyer or joypopping. Just random facts hahaha.

So now I'm back at hostel -_-'

Oh well. At least I had a fabulous four days at my grandma's with my cousins. We stayed over supposedly to take care of her while my aunts go on holiday, but I think it was more of her taking care of us! We mostly played card games or watched movies - what else can you ask for in life?

I totally finished the $12 my mum gave to spend, plus all of my pocket money, which I think was in the 10s or 20s, as well as my sister's allowance money of $10. You'd think staying home is cheaper than going out, but in this case I beg to differ. The little glitch in this system was the night market down the road, which warranted the heavy spending on Ramly burgers, snacks, fried stuff, ice-cream, and a Winnie the Pooh Uno Card Game. I love my Uno cards! It's like the High School Musical one Pat and I bought at the beginning of the year, but with more nakedness (you know, because this time only Pooh and Roo wear shirts).

I came home yesterday at 11 at night, after my uncle took us out for yummy cheese prata and Milo Godzillas. The only thing I can say about yesterday is... I can't believe Team Zebra lost the Amazing Race! If not them, at least Sam (who has dreamy eyes) and Dan should have won. Not Team Barbie and Evil Ken. Non-watchers of The Amazing Race, I apologise.

Today my dad had a check-up with the leg specialist (hahaha) at SGH's Clinic P. I got my dad to play Uno with me in the waiting room, in full view of every other adult. And mind you, it was Winnie the Pooh, not just any old plain Uno cards haha. I won, of course. I'm not down with cheating, but I'm fine with selective teaching.

After that we got stuck in an hour long jam getting into J.B. (JaeBeom! jk), but I figured Uno isn't meant to be played while driving.

Lunch, and grocery shopping-hours later, we had to rush back to hostel for my Scrabble practice. I was an hour late, but I brought donuts to satiate everyone - bribery's always the easiest, though not cheapest way out. One thing I found out about myself today: I am officially the worst Scrabble player in the entire Hall 9! And nearly the worst Boggle player. Thank goodness In-charge does not equate to IHG Player.

Another thing: black eyeliner will always smudge. Regardless of precautions against it (i.e. eyeshadow below eyes). Sighs - Scrabble practice must have been so totally embarrassing. Story of my life, as they say. I fell down on Saturday, I fell down on Sunday night, and I'll probably fall down again two more times this week. Anyone know a charm to take away the embarrassment jinx?

fina

Who said studying can't be fun?

I apologise if this bursts your eardrums.

Yet another post this fine morning, but I had a really nice, yet not nice dream while taking a 20 minute break from readings. I dreamt that suddenly my whole family appeared at my hostel door just because they coincidentally happened to be in the area. How nice. Then I woke up, and realised there was no one around.

I seriously do feel like I'm recovering though=) It usually takes a week to recover from a cold, but I'm hoping I'll only be left with burning eyes tomorrow by the time I take the exam.

All in all, I'd say going to sleep at 10.30 and forsaking any studying was a reasonable choice, even if the entire night was spent fitfully tossing about. I feel horrible still today, but not as bad as yesterday. Perhaps it was the two Panadol Extras plus the two chlorphenamines that actually helped.

At least there's something to be said for yesterday: Usually, one day all alone in hostel makes me all homesick, but yesterday I was just sick. Hence only reading lectures and none of my 49 readings.

It's no good to be hovering between "so sick I can't study" and "not sick enough to miss an exam" hahaha.

I came back to hostel Saturday night at 10.30 pm to study...

...but it's 5.40 Sunday and I haven't even started yet on readings.

Bloody runny nose and fever :(

I've been sleeping on and off since I woke up at 10

but I think I'll start to feel better soon, so yay!

The only other irritating thing is: How to study for HS 102?

Besides Com 203, this is the only course in which I have no idea how to even begin structuring potential answers, since I don't know how potential questions will be like.

Which brings me to HS 101's catastrophe... you think you know how questions will be asked (in fact, that's how the whole cohort thought), and then the lecturer drops everyone a bombshell. Oh well, failing together means passing hahaha. I'm depending on you, all my coursemates, to have thought the way that I think you thought!

I'm so not in the mood to do readings; I think I'll re-read lecture notes first

*fuming* Didn't see one freaking meteorite. Not one. After three hours lying still and fighting sleep and staring at the night sky so long that all the stars seem to blur and move. Sigh...