Best moment of my 19 year old life: yesterday Dan, Pat, and Sam bought me Lego!

In a big container! I'm so frickkin' excited - I finally own my own complete Lego set. Heaven or what? Haha All I need now is a Kinder Surprise revival, because it's so hard to find them anymore...

It's 2.40 on Saturday now, and since Friday I've had maybe 2 and a half hours of sleep. And there's still a full day to go. But I'm feeling content and happy, the past few days have been incredibly fun, and I can't wait to play with my Lego!

Pat and I made Lego houses at hostel yesterday - I'll upload pictures ASA I find the time.

Frickkin' ace Lego!!!! This year's prezzies have been the best so far - so thanks everyone! Scrapbook, beautiful scarf and a Lego set. Sigh - what more can a 19 year-old ask for?

fina

I can't talk about Hall 9 Scrabble... so I shall snitch on other halls!

I first thought Hall 16 was darn zai, because this guy scored 406 so easily within his first 10 minutes of the game once. But he met his match against this guy from Hall 10 who was actually leading for most of the game. The funny thing was, as I was sitting there, it felt like a battle of epic proportions since both were expert, final year students, business versus accountancy. And they weren't exactly friendly to each other. The first guy's face was so cramped for most of the game, while the Hall 10 guy was smiling and laughing to himself. And then the first guy got a scrabble. And so he won. The end. But they were talking to each other like friends after the game, so I don't know if they were faking being unfriendly during the game or what.

I'd tell you more, but I'd bore you hahaha.

For something more interesting and WOW, watch this:

because Jay's just that much cooler than all of us. Needless to say his crew won. And check out one of his team-mates - feels like an ace b-boyer to me. I went "whoa" so many times while watching the video.

fina

mylifesuqs

P.S. joypop and popjoy are words in the scrabble dictionary, but you won't find popjoyer or joypopping. Just random facts hahaha.

So now I'm back at hostel -_-'

Oh well. At least I had a fabulous four days at my grandma's with my cousins. We stayed over supposedly to take care of her while my aunts go on holiday, but I think it was more of her taking care of us! We mostly played card games or watched movies - what else can you ask for in life?

I totally finished the $12 my mum gave to spend, plus all of my pocket money, which I think was in the 10s or 20s, as well as my sister's allowance money of $10. You'd think staying home is cheaper than going out, but in this case I beg to differ. The little glitch in this system was the night market down the road, which warranted the heavy spending on Ramly burgers, snacks, fried stuff, ice-cream, and a Winnie the Pooh Uno Card Game. I love my Uno cards! It's like the High School Musical one Pat and I bought at the beginning of the year, but with more nakedness (you know, because this time only Pooh and Roo wear shirts).

I came home yesterday at 11 at night, after my uncle took us out for yummy cheese prata and Milo Godzillas. The only thing I can say about yesterday is... I can't believe Team Zebra lost the Amazing Race! If not them, at least Sam (who has dreamy eyes) and Dan should have won. Not Team Barbie and Evil Ken. Non-watchers of The Amazing Race, I apologise.

Today my dad had a check-up with the leg specialist (hahaha) at SGH's Clinic P. I got my dad to play Uno with me in the waiting room, in full view of every other adult. And mind you, it was Winnie the Pooh, not just any old plain Uno cards haha. I won, of course. I'm not down with cheating, but I'm fine with selective teaching.

After that we got stuck in an hour long jam getting into J.B. (JaeBeom! jk), but I figured Uno isn't meant to be played while driving.

Lunch, and grocery shopping-hours later, we had to rush back to hostel for my Scrabble practice. I was an hour late, but I brought donuts to satiate everyone - bribery's always the easiest, though not cheapest way out. One thing I found out about myself today: I am officially the worst Scrabble player in the entire Hall 9! And nearly the worst Boggle player. Thank goodness In-charge does not equate to IHG Player.

Another thing: black eyeliner will always smudge. Regardless of precautions against it (i.e. eyeshadow below eyes). Sighs - Scrabble practice must have been so totally embarrassing. Story of my life, as they say. I fell down on Saturday, I fell down on Sunday night, and I'll probably fall down again two more times this week. Anyone know a charm to take away the embarrassment jinx?

fina

Who said studying can't be fun?

I apologise if this bursts your eardrums.

Yet another post this fine morning, but I had a really nice, yet not nice dream while taking a 20 minute break from readings. I dreamt that suddenly my whole family appeared at my hostel door just because they coincidentally happened to be in the area. How nice. Then I woke up, and realised there was no one around.

I seriously do feel like I'm recovering though=) It usually takes a week to recover from a cold, but I'm hoping I'll only be left with burning eyes tomorrow by the time I take the exam.

All in all, I'd say going to sleep at 10.30 and forsaking any studying was a reasonable choice, even if the entire night was spent fitfully tossing about. I feel horrible still today, but not as bad as yesterday. Perhaps it was the two Panadol Extras plus the two chlorphenamines that actually helped.

At least there's something to be said for yesterday: Usually, one day all alone in hostel makes me all homesick, but yesterday I was just sick. Hence only reading lectures and none of my 49 readings.

It's no good to be hovering between "so sick I can't study" and "not sick enough to miss an exam" hahaha.

I came back to hostel Saturday night at 10.30 pm to study...

...but it's 5.40 Sunday and I haven't even started yet on readings.

Bloody runny nose and fever :(

I've been sleeping on and off since I woke up at 10

but I think I'll start to feel better soon, so yay!

The only other irritating thing is: How to study for HS 102?

Besides Com 203, this is the only course in which I have no idea how to even begin structuring potential answers, since I don't know how potential questions will be like.

Which brings me to HS 101's catastrophe... you think you know how questions will be asked (in fact, that's how the whole cohort thought), and then the lecturer drops everyone a bombshell. Oh well, failing together means passing hahaha. I'm depending on you, all my coursemates, to have thought the way that I think you thought!

I'm so not in the mood to do readings; I think I'll re-read lecture notes first

*fuming* Didn't see one freaking meteorite. Not one. After three hours lying still and fighting sleep and staring at the night sky so long that all the stars seem to blur and move. Sigh...

Nowadays, it seems that I start my blog posts with how little work I've done for work due the next day. This post is no different, 'cos I haven't written a word! It's only 450 words, but my mind's drawing blanks.

2009 is a bad year for me, it seems. So many emo posts on this blog. 2010 will surely be better, right? Guess this means not much should be expected out of my assignments and exams haha.

......................................................................................

Spam-maps. We are annoying people with directions to getting lost.

1. Miss Fits (sPASM)

2. Alien-nation

......................................................................................

Mum: Do you know what Adinda means?

Me: Yes. That's Kekanda's wife.

......................................................................................

Ssanti humour. Except I really did think adinda was kekanda's wife.

Man, I need to clear my head if I want to go to sleep before 12.30...

p.s. I am not very impressed with 1:59's new songs. That makes it so much easier to boycott them. If Jaebeom was still the leader, though, I would have found a way to like their songs... Total bias.

I have so many words left of my essay to write, but I can't do it. I keep stopping and crying. I never cry this much.

I keep thinking about how bad an owner and friend I've been to Tuah. I didn't ask for his forgiveness adequately this morning. I should have said it out loud. How sorry I was. How I could have treated him better, especially during his last days. How I've grown less and less attentive this year, and perhaps less and less caring. I shouldn't have scolded him all those times he did something wrong; he was a cat, it was never his fault. All those times I accidentally stepped on his tail, or wouldn't let him lie down on my bed or couch or floor just in case his fur messed it up.

I remember when his fur was so glossy and smooth, and soft. This morning it was coarse and lackluster. He used to be so fat, and warm, and his breathing and purring were so loud. His tail used to be strong and quick (here I go, crying again). His ears used to twitch at the slightest sound. This morning, as he lay on his side with feet extended, he looked emaciated, his legs were stiff, his tail didn't move even when I stroked it. His ear twitched only once. His breathing was laboured and shallow, uneven at times. I lay my hand on his rib cage just to feel him still being alive, even if he wasn't totally there. Suddenly his lungs would swell and he would look like he was retching. His eyes didn't move or blink. I think he'd stopped seeing. We called his name so many times but he didn't answer. The day before he couldn't even meow at all. Just a soft moan.

My mum, dad and I just hovered around him. I lay down next to him and stroked him just in case he could feel it. There was the smell of cat faeces from when he'd pooped and couldn't move enough to clean himself up. My mum said she heard him meowing loudly a few times in the toilet, and found him sprawled with his limbs askew, like he'd tried to get up but wasn't strong enough to stand. That was when my parents moved him to the computer room and woke us up.

The last moments were horrific. He made a loud moan, the loudest I'd heard him in days. Then his whole body jerked, his legs and tail curling upwards. Maybe twice. Then his head twisted all the way backwards, mouth open, eyes wide and unseeing. That was his last breath. After that, his body relaxed again and his head curled back in. His chest stopped moving.

I somehow thought my cat was immortal since he'd been around since forever, and he hardly ever got sick. He'd always be somewhere in the house, either napping or just watching. His presence was reassuring whenever I was alone at night. I used to consider his loud meows a nuisance, and would try to calm him down by stroking him or meowing with him (lol). Now, I'd give anything just to hear his loud healthy meow.

My sister asked me why I was in such a hurry to adopt another kitten. It's not just that I can't imagine living in this house without a cat around. I realise it's because I want to make up for how terrible an owner I was to Tuah. I want to be a better owner for another cat because I couldn't be one for him. I realised too late my mistakes and growing apathy.

I was crying again throughout this whole post. It's strange because I've never cried this much before. And I've still got an essay to finish in 5 hours. I'm so not in the mood to do it.

Exitlude

Sleep happy.

I'm supposed to be doing my 2200 word essay, but my mind and fingers keep wandering. I just can't seem to concentrate on one thing unless it is absolutely urgent or last minute (same thing).

I have scrabble tomorrow (all together now: *big sigh*). It would have been more fun, if not for the fact that I completely suck at both scrabble and boggle. I never knew that words could be so complicated. Thinking, memorising, strategising - have I ever been good at any of these things? Never... And these people are competitive! They want to be champions! I'm thoroughly mystified by this way of thinking, since I thought recreational games were just that. Recreation. Have you ever heard of competitive recreational games? Erhm, maybe there's such a thing. I just haven't been socialised into such things yet.

Oh, essay, essay, dear essay. You are the bane of my existence. I don't know what to do with you right now. I'm not even close to being done. You will cause me to lose sleep. You bleeding lazy thing bleeding the life out of me. Now, get out of my tired, uncaring face!

Ha ha ha. I'm not making sense, nor am I actually amusing. So, so, sooooo sian with essay. If essay were a person, I would have already thrown it out the window, or made it be responsible for itself. Again, no sense made.

On a random note, the Jun brothers rock, Taec redeemed himself in my eyes, and Nichkhun just keeps appearing more and more useless.

fina

(Is it sad that I'm still waiting? When I should be doing the BLOODY ESSAY?! ... D= )

Went on twitter today. This made me laugh!

'At a festival, Jay went to the bathroom and ran into a fanboy. Dude said "I'm such a fan!" Jay said "Oh great! Now let's pee together!" hehe'

Of course, something else made me sad, with a little touch of irony: backstreet boys- BRIAN LITTRELL DIAGNOSED WITH SWINE FLU.

sighs.

On another note, people think Jeremy's interview is fake. It's so not, unlike some other group. He's just too jjang to be true. Hahaha. Glad I didn't get a sore throat though ^_^

My system-o-slumber still hasn't adjusted yet. Only was able to fall asleep at 4 am yesterday, had to wake up at 6 am for school. I think tonight while be early-see-Zzzzs night.

fina

p.s. Syaz, here's the clock picture. The underlying message is, well, underlying.

I'm only blogging to be doing something because I'm so bored, and I want to start attacking work only when it's late, and nobody's around to disturb me.

My mum's friend came for Hari Raya, around 3PM, and she STILL HASN'T LEFT!!! If you're not close family, staying beyond one hour is already impolite and taxing on the hosts, in my opinion. I want to watch my Korean variety shows!!! ='((

And more people are coming later, so I won't be able to watch my show until late, which will mean my plan for work being done will be pushed further back. I'm sorry it's my fault for only wanting to work at night, but that's the only way I can get work done !!!!

Sorry, I'm a bit prickly at the moment (ooh, the smell of fries frying are coming through my window...) Okay, I'm actually prickly all the time at home. Maybe I'm just a prickly person. People laugh when they hear that I'm mean at home, but I AM! I so am! ...

Going off kilter today - I'm nursing a headache from lying down and trying to sleep so much, if such a thing's possible. I think I'm going crazy from not being able to do what I want to do (i.e. watch my show) in my own home, because SOMEONE won't leave when it was polite to!

I really am prickly, aren't I?

fina

Boy am I happy to be back home!!! I haven't done a thing since Tuesday, and it feels good. I managed to take another picture for the 2PM forum thing yesterday, just before the deadline. And I took it... In front of Mustafa Centre!! Haha people were staring, but I can grow pretty thick skin when I want to.

Wow, never knew the picture'd be this big when I linked it straight from my photobucket...

oh wells

I always knew my cat had a raspy voice, but only now do I realise that cats lose their meows when they get older. Aww... But my cat can still let out a few good ones when he's really hungry for attention. And he's lost weight too, which is strange since there's still always food in his bowl. Aigo...

It's so hazy right now... looked like we were in Cameron Highlands or something haha. See the view? It was so hard to see where the button was on Thomas (my laptop) for me to click, but picture taken = accomplished mission.

Will start on some work late tonight... if I feel like it. There's Star Golden Bell and Ghost Hunters to be watched. Oh, and Singapore Idol. Wee!!! [EDIT] NO more Ghost Hunters... I'm so disappointed...

fina

I screwed over my midterm for COM 203... Sighing, but that won't help either. So now I shall concentrate on HS 101. If not, my life's over.

Recess week is next week, but I'm not feeling any less pressured since there're projects and homework and all that annoying little things you need to do to survive uni. I want to stay home the whole of next week, but I have bleeding Boggle and Scrabble practice on Wednesday. Can I just skip it? I really want to stay home because I'm feeling all homesick for my room and TV again. And now that we can eat in daylight again, home's looking all the more attractive.

Oh yea, Happy Hari Raya everyone! I missed Hari Raya last year due to A levels, so this year I decided to go out with my family on Sunday and Monday, even though I had an unfinished presentation and homework, and tests coming. How fun. Came back to my hostel at 12m.n Tuesday morning, and started studying after a 20 minute nap. Slept at 4.45am, woke up at 7.45am, and went for lectures and the whole shizz. Felt so much like JC again. Cramming - is there any other way?

Gonna cram for HS 101 tonight and tomorrow night. But somehow doing readings isn't working for me. =( I should just go back to JC...

fina

Oh Yeah, By The Way.

Okay, I promise not to be emo in this post. No mention of you-know-who and you-know-what at all (and I don't mean Lord Volderm- I mean, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named).

I spent an entire day in hostel trying to do readings and finish homework. I had five items on my to-do list. I only managed to complete one. Reminds me so much of JC. Ahh, bad times.

Is there such a thing as rehab for K-Pop site/ forum addicts? Because all I do is check for updates. It's so fun and satisfying, but it cannot be good for me. Or maybe a youtube.com addict, since all I do is watch Korean variety shows on it. This is the life. As a mother, I shall make my kids sit down and watch them with me on weekends, so they learn to become witty and entertaining smart students. Then I can just watch my kids make me laugh instead of watching television.

Utopia!~

Anyways, I am planning to do laundry at six in the morning tomorrow, when nobody's awake. Because I am certain I won't know how to use the washing machines here, and need time and space to figure them out for myself without embarassing myself. *Yawns* I'm feeling sleepy just thinking about that lol.

Tomorrow's breakfast is more instant noodles. And maybe a choc breakfast bar. I can't have cereal because I'm out of milk. And Milo. And Vitasoy. Hmm, I need to go shopping again, but I didn't receive any money this week.

Speaking of the dollar signs... Yay, Hari Raya's this Sunday! Of course, I like it not just for money, because I like it for food! Yum, eating when there's actually sunlight, in public, along with little pieces of confectionary and sweet drinks. It's called "Weight-Gain" month, even though for me, Ramadhan isn't even a "Weight-Loss" month. There's always just too much food at home. How does a food-lover say no? As long as I can make it up the stairs to my room, I'm fine.

So ends my no-mention-of-the centre-of-my-universe post. I'm all for silent protests (pictures next post), and slowly being persuaded towards the boycotts. Am I an extremist then?

fina

Well, just as my little feeling of hope was blooming, it got killed off. By more evidence of a forced departure cropping up.

I feel so tired from longing for too much.

I did read the past few posts, and it was amusing to see how emo I was. The feelings haven't changed, but now I can understand how other people must have viewed me. "So silly, getting so emotional over an idol?" "How old does she think she is, 13?" But what's the point of a blog if you can't write freely in it? Does it matter how immature or over-reacting I may seem, as long as I'm truthfully writing what I feel at each moment?

Have readings to do. Homework to complete, two by this week. As usual, there's not an inch of any inclination in my bones towards doing them, but I will have to. I arrived back at the hostel Sunday night just so I can concentrate on assignments all of Monday.

Yay Hari Raya's next Sunday, but I have midterms that week. Sucky or what? I don't feel like I've learned enough to be writing anything down for professors to read. I'm still in secondary school writing mode, not even JC.

fina*

p.s. pat and I made a youtube video to support Jaebeom. Can you find it? It's kinda embarassing haha.

I am feeling so hopeful now that Jaebeom's return to Korea may be possible. Finally feel like smiling again. Plus, a friend of his printed out letters that fans sent to his e-mail to pass to Jay, and Pat and I've sent our letters.

Now we just have to wait. I don't care how long.

A Dustland Fairytale

It's kinda hard to express my state of mind now, except that it feels like there's a huge weight on my heart and I feel so down all the time. It may be difficult for everyone else to understand the way I feel right now, because before this, I myself had never been a fanatic of anything. But 2PM has been the centre of my universe for some time now; watching and listening to them brings me happiness, such as I have never known before. And Jay leads 2PM in doing this. He is central to my happiness. He was mostly what made Korean variety shows and reality television shows worth watching - his fearlessly goofy personality shines through, and he makes me laugh and gush and swoon all at the same time.

I felt devastated when he suddenly quit, barely four days after the whole saga started. It was like I was flying, being with 2PM, and he suddenly took away the wings. But what's worse now is not that he's gone, it's the uncertainty of his return. I cannot imagine life without him, specifically because all I've been thinking about these past few months were 2PM and him. Of course I support him in whatever he does, should he decide that he doesn't want to continue with the heavily supervised and scrutinised, vicious world of the Korean entertainment industry. But it would be the heaviest blow of all, because life would then seem bleak.

I'm keeping faith that he will return after he's found his peace of mind, back with his family (I refuse to say "...and friends", because 2PM are his friends too). His last interview before leaving Korea gives me hope: “I will stay healthy in America. I will come back as a better person.” I'll be holding on to those words, and I will be waiting.

I may sound uncontrollably melo-dramatic, or corny, or exaggerated, but all I'm doing is typing down what I feel about this whole thing.

Strange isn't it? Just a week ago I was so happy and carefree. Now... I can't really say. I can easily try to be funny and smiley in front of people, but as soon as I'm out of view I feel weighed down again.

I've been doing what 2oneday forums is encouraging us to do - bombard JYP's twitter account with messages pleading for him not to let go of Jay, make a video message in support of Jay, sign a few petitions in support of Jay, etc. But my expectations on how these could help is slowly going down.

I guess no one but Jay himself can make the decision to come back. Even right now I think a number of Korean netizens still don't want him back. Jay left thinking that many people hate him, and as long as these people's perceptions don't change, how can he come back? Not knowing Korean, it's not like I can pull out evidence of Jay's growth to prove to them that Jay is worthy of forgiveness and of being 2PM's leader again. And even if I could, I doubt that the same irrational people who petitioned for him to commit suicide would read what I write with open hearts. It's like my hands have been cut off.

I don't know how useful the ongoing petitions will be now, but I hope when Jay feels ready to make a decision regarding a return to 2PM, he will be able to feel our support and love for him through all these little things. And I hope he decides to return.

I don't feel like going on in my fervour to get people to sign petitions now, after looking at the dullness of the situation, but I signed this petition yesterday, and if you want to sign it as well: http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/jaebeom/signatures.html

In case you want to understand this whole issue which my heart explode in such a way, this blog makes the details pretty clear: http://not7but1.wordpress.com/

I doubt anyone will read this entire blog post, but it made my head feel clearer as I typed it out, even if it didn't make me feel better.

fina.

Who let you go?

Jay giving one last bow to everyone.

Fans trying to hold him back and stop him from getting on the plane.

Jay's left. So suddenly. I feel at such a loss right now because there's nothing I can do to turn back his decision. Unlike the fans in Korea, I couldn't go to the airport to try to stop him from leaving. Nor can I wait for him at the Seattle airport to give him support. I feel so helpless.

Pat and I found out the news while in lecture. We'd been refreshing AllKPop and Seoulbeats and Popseoul every few minutes to find out what was happening. And then the news came. And it was verified. We didn't want to believe it when Jay posted on the 2PM fancafe that he was leaving. But this blew our minds.

I just sat there in the middle of lecture, feeling like I'd lost a limb or an eye.

How is this different from other -Western- groups? Like when BSB left out Kevin?

For KPop, there's a lot more exposure of their stars, especially in the music industry. You see them on variety shows, on the music shows (like SBS Inkigayo, Mnet Countdown and KBS Music Bank), and in their own reality tv shows. So you see more of how they're like in real life (or as close to it as possible) - you see their personalities through the many funny, dorky, sad angry moments that they experience on such shows. And you fall in love with them. You feel like you know these individual stars, and you know how each group works with all the individuals.

Jaebeom - he's special. He's the leader of 2PM. He's the most uninhibited of all of them in acting dorky and making jokes, so you really feel the most closeness with him (even though it's through a TV or a computer screen). He cares so much for his 2PM members. He is unparalleled in his singing and especially his dancing. He has such a good heart. He anchors the group. He is their main focal point. He is their heart and soul. He belongs in 2PM. And people petitioning for him to commit suicide should kill themselves. Because if they don't, WE WILL KILL THEM.

I have to do something about this. I WILL do something about this.

fina*

Ethnocentrism. That's what Pat and I have decided to call the JayGate scandal (after Watergate).

Because the Koreans are making value judgments on things Jay did that differ from their cultural norms (such as speaking in an Afro-American slang and calling Korea "gay"), and therefore deem him to be worthy of deportation/ suicide (I swear, I'm not making this up). They call "traitors" those who voice support for Jay (who did admit his mistake and apologised), such as Wooyoung and Chansung, even when these poor boys aren't even condoning Jay's actions - all they did was say that 2PM are united.

Jay made a value judgment when he called Korea "gay", and saying (in not so many words) that he didn't like living there.

The Americans are making value judgments on the Koreans' reactions by saying that they are over-reacting and being overly nationalistic i.e. having too much pride in themselves and their country. They make value judgments on Jay by saying that he made a mistake in his youth and isolation, and that forgiveness is the way to go.

And I am making a value judgment when I say that I agree with the Americans that the Koreans are wrong. I don't care that I dislike the Koreans' reactions simply because they do not agree with the values that a more liberal Singapore (and global Internet) society has socialised me to believe are right. The Koreans may be polite in their use of honorifics and honoring the social hierarchy system of elders before youngsters, and politically correct in their actions and speech towards each other, but -damn!- are they so politically incorrect when it comes to other races/ ethnicities. I know of a few examples, but won't go into that because... well, because I need to finish my readings and have little time.

I have so many things to say to the Korean netizens who are telling Jay to go back to America and/ or kill himself. One such sentence starts with a "G", followed by an "o" and a "k", and ends with an "ill yourselves". Clear enough?

I am so bringing this up in HS 101 tomorrow when we talk about ethnocentrism!

oh yeah, sign this petition if you haven't already!

fina*

While trawling the comments on Seoulbeats.com and AllKPop.com, I found someone advertising a petition to save Park Jaebeom. He may have fallen down the ranks of "Fina's Guys to Marry" in recent months due to Wild Bunny episodes, but I still support him full-heartedly. Yes, he made a mistake FOUR years ago - he insulted Korea, called it gay, etc, etc (on his Myspace i.e. privately). But he has apologised for those comments. Plus, he called his friend "gay" in the same comments. So he wasn't exactly criticising Korea on its homosexual orientation (not that being gay is wrong or worthy of criticism...). At that point of time, he was a trainee, in a country whose customs and people were totally alien to him. So his actions, while not condoned, are understandable.

But for Korean netizens to sign a petition to send him back to US?! Like, WTF?? So even if you don't know or care whatever the shizz I'm talking about...

SIGN THE PETITION! I don't care if you don't care, as long as you sign. Please? Thank you.

http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/supportleaderjaypark/

I've been empowering myself today. With the help of mylifeisaverage.com, a self-help online magazine. Haha, not true. I did, however, help myself feel in power, and it's all thanks to that website. Remember me changing my cursors to bananas and dinosaurs, and Recycle Bin to Hell? Well, now I've saved a document as "the Universe, Fina". Why? Because when I close the tab, Word asks if I would like to save the changes to the Universe. Seriously made my day. Hmm, come to think of it, I should have saved it as "the Universe, Master Fina"...

Today has been an unbearably giggly day so far. Hasn't calmed down yet, haha.

fina

It's strange how easy it is for me to forget how to do something that I did for every week of JC. Write. And not in the usual childish, personal way that I usually employ in blog-writing (if you can call it that - it's more like Random Weekly). Would you believe that I have the easiest task of writing 100 - 120 words on Canteen B for HW 101 Craft of Writing? I did 110 words, but doubts have come a-plaguing. Because I have no idea how it's supposed to look like. Did she want a narrative? Descriptions? In the first person? From an objective POV? Should I just do a draft of each of these elements and pick whichever's appropriate for tomorrow? Is it silly that I'm worrying so much over an easy 100 words?

Which reminds me: I need to get a printer. And maybe a rice cooker. Laptop cooler too. Definitely salmon belly sashimi for next week. ... Courage too, perhaps?

Did I mention how random I am?

Dinosaur cursors = love.

Guess what I was doing during lecture today? Yes, surfing the web, but besides that. Checking mail? No. Chatting? No. I was changing all my cursors!

Haha you know, the arrow thing that you use to control everything on the computer. I changed the main one to a banana, which just keeps peeling itself and re-growing. My "highlight text" cursor is a blue walking dinosaur. My "page loading" cursor is a drum with two sticks beating it. And my "link" cursor is a piano keyboard with the keys moving. Cool or what?!

Now I just keep moving my cursors just for fun. Because I like to make my dinosaur moonwalk and all.

I even changed my Recycle Bin to "Hell" so I can send items to be deleted to hell. And my web browser (Google Chrome) was changed to Narnia. Because the Internet is MAGIC.

I'm not so creative to come with all these ideas on my own, though. There's this website called mylifeisaverage.com, where people post all the mundane things they've done. And these are just some examples. But they're really fun! And unlike the fmylife.com people, the people who comment on this website are really supportive. In fact, anyone who's negative is deemed to be just like an FMLifer. It's a whole new cult society that I'm observing. Societies with different shared values of what they deem acceptable. Wow, sociology in mundaneness.

I keep eating junk food while living here in hostel. Breakfast was cereal and mini brownies, but break-fast was long john's silver and two cream puffs. I'm guessing breakfast tomorrow will be instant noodles. Not really healthy, considering my stomach's penchant for making trouble.

Plus, all these people campaigning for positions in the Hall committee keep giving free sweets and chocolate and stuff. I'm not complaining, but if these keeps up, I'll end up with a Fina that can't even make the thousand steps to her hostel room. Haha.

By the way, I love Love LOVE the new blog song I just put in. I keep going to my blog just to listen to the song. It's totally epic love story shizz. If you'll listen carefully, words like a-reum-da-un, which means beautiful, sa-rang, which means love, and nae-ga-seu-mae, which means my heart, are repeated so many times. It's about his unforgettable childhood love who's lost to him, yet still lives hidden in his heart. Just... whoa. And you can hear the longing in the melody and tone of his voice. Needless to say this is my new favourite song. And favouritest ever of F.T. Island.

Okay, let's go!

Haha - it's an inside joke.

fina

OMGOSH!!!!! I am absolutely tearing my hair out over this week's readings!!! Particularly HS 102! Killer... All over 10 pages, one with 23 pages, all in difficult language that I can't begin to comprehend. Whatever happened to English? It is definitely possible to convey complex ideas in simple English, so why are they trying to cause murders with their words?

Eotokke??!?? Thank goodness I'm not presenting tomorrow, but still... doesn't bode well for future presentations...

Isn't it sad that less than a month into uni, I already know this is just another one of those things in which I will not do well? The other two were... oh, let's see, secondary school and JC. But this is worse, because they don't "spoon-feed" us. I like to think, but never critically. So when all they do is ask questions, that leave me looking at just a question mark, it's perfectly understandable for me to be worried. I want answers. When I was in secondary school and JC, I could barely do well even when I was being given answers. So how in the world am I expected to succeed here?

This comes after two days that have included three tutorials and two lectures (well, I haven't watched the third one), in which I find my interest waning during lectures, and being rendered speechless in tutorials. Especially HS 103. I doubt anyone from that class except perhaps Pat will be reading this, but I apologise anyways, because the class is seriously dead. Every facet, not just the topic. I could feel my brain cells floating up with all the question marks nobody's bothered to answer, and wither sadly in the air. Pat and I have made a pact to speak up in every single tutorial, so of course we said something each. Beyond that, however, I could feel no comprehension nor stimulation happening in this thick skull of mine. Eoteoke?

Well, perhaps in anticipation of needing consolation at the end of today, yesterday Pat and I had planned to watch UP! today. And our new friend Jennifer came along too. UP! rocks! Like, seriously! I know it's just a cartoon, but it was so sad I could count at least four different occasions during the movie when I cried. Not shed a tear, but cried. It's not supposed to be a sad movie. In fact, it was downright hilarious at most parts. Perfect comedic timing and all. But the parts that were there to invoke sympathy just left me bawling my eyes out. PMS; don't worry about it. But even without PMS I would probably have shed tears, because the scenes and music were designed to break your heart without needing much dialogue. UP! is definitely a must watch for anyone - funny parts for the kids, funny and sad parts for babies like me. <3<3

Yesterday, at Syaz's invitation, Diana and I attended NUS' Malay Language Society's Iftar, which means "eat" in my understanding (lol). Saw many familiar faces from BP, as well as older brother's friends. Plus, my cousin attended too. Seriously though, how much ulu can NTU get? I realised that the appropriate answer is: A LOT. Because I took one and a half hours to get from that function room in NUS to my hostel bus stop. And Boon Lay isn't even that far from Clementi! I arrived at the hostel at 11, to find water everywhere because apparently there'd been a water fight with pails of water. Glad I missed it haha! (Shyness is such a bane T_T)

And so here ends my rant against my own state of "lack". There will be more, rest assured - I was born this way, and will probably remain this way forever, so there'll be plenty more reasons for me to complain about myself.

G'night!

fina

What's uni life all about? It's all about being scared shitless

Go to lecture, have brunch, answer the questions that are part of your readings and then find out it's redundant...

Go back to your room, watch Korean variety shows for an hour, have dinner, do readings for an hour or two, wile the rest of your night away on forums while waiting for the right time to fall asleep.

Is it really supposed to be as mindless as this? Granted, most of it's my fault since I can't muster up enough brain power to make sense of my readings, or enough motivation to look for more things to study.

I miss home, I miss the FUN mindlessness (because it's at least entertaining) that goes on at home, the seemingly-wasteful interactions with other family members which actually serve to make your feel comforted and at ease.

I'm glad my family's been calling to check up on me on the nights I've actually stayed in. And Pat's called too =)

So emo... one more minute till ten. I think that's a good enough time to start preparing for sleep. Packet Milo and yum bar for breakfast again, it seems haha.

fina*

(Readings scare me so much! As do essays... Aigo...)

So, here I finally am, spending my first night in my hostel room, sans roomie. Since there's nobody here and I've had my sandwich and vitasoy dinner, I'm feeling mega sleepy and bored. Really don't feel like reading anything. But I shall endeavour to anyways, because I have to wait until it's a decent time to go to sleep (plus, there's nothing for me to do on the internet).

Here's a picture of my room:

Haha yup, I brought my cheetah with me. Along with that hige red cushion, that red bolster, and two pillows. How over-packed am I? Haha

Oh yea, not to mention the cereal, breakfast bars, baby biscuits, instant noodles, mini snacks, packets of vitasoy and milo, ovaltine, and a few boxes of pills in case I get my usual runny nose.

There're lots more things, but too many that I'm too lazy to type it all out. Dang am I bored! Should do readings now...

I wonder how well I'll sleep alone tonight in this strange place...

fin*

Omo, I'm almost hyperventilating because Lee Junho,

the actual Junho from 2PM, updated his twitter while I was online!!I got a shock when I saw that his twit was only a minute before i came online. It's so cute how he uses "yo" a lote haha.

I naively replied, thinking I'd be the first fan, but no, turns out there are just as many lucky girls/ fanboys out there... oh wellz.

The screen-capture was way after the first tweet, 'cos I'd already logged out, and logged back in to capture this historic moment when a 2PM member actually starts twittering continuously. Ohh... now I'm never logging out of Twitter in case Jay, Woodong or Taec goes online. AAAHHHHHHHHHH: totally fangirling.

what's even better is that he updated with pics!!! Omo...

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yay I passed my basic theory test!!!! Now I'm only left with the Practical and Final Theory. ... =(

Tip: One-time proper studying should be enough. Mind you, I said PROPER, especially if you're a ditzy forgetful person like me. 369: 3 metres away from hydrant, 6 from traffic junction, 9 from bus stand. Red triangle= warning, red circle= prohibitory, blue circle= mandatory. Driver must ALWAYS give way. Full stop.

Tomorrow I collect keys to my room at Hall 9, NTU. ... Really don't want school to start.

fina.

Yesterday, I realised something: I am so not ready for school! The freshmen welcome ceremony was held yesterday, so i got to see who my classmates were. They all look way more prepared than I am, a lot more serious and nicely dressed (of course I wasn't). Pat looked great too, but as we were laughing and talking in the LT, we turned to look at everone else, and nobody looked like they were having fun. It was daunting. HELP!

Anyways, I must be one of the greatest procastrinators of all time! I haven't blogged about, nor posted any pictures of, my trips to Sri Lanka and Australia. I was going to do it last week (really, I was!), but with the funeral and all... Haven't been in the mood.

So let's just take this slowly, and start with my cousin's wedding nearly two (two!) months ago. 6th June, I think, and I remember because it was the day of Singapore Idol auditions!

As you can clearly see, I have a lot of pictures, so I lumped a few pics together.

My brother was Mr Popular on that day, since he's the only male cousin who isn't still in in secondary school or lower.

Extended family! (minus a few)

These pictures were taken the next day, at the reception held by the groom's parents.

After the wedding, we headed back to my grandma's house to pluck rambutans in the backyard.

And then we had dinner.

The End.

So that was the wedding series. Coming up, the Sri Lankan series!

This past few days has been quite the rollercoaster ride. But although some parts were especially sad, at least the entire family (except my brother who's stuck in Germany) was able to be together for a few days. My cousins from Melbourne flew in on such short notice, arriving on Friday morning even though they got the news only Thursday evening, and they flew back yesterday. We got to finally visit the grave too, on Sunday. May he rest in peace.

On another note, I took the Basic Theory e-trial tests, and I passed both, so I'm feeling quite good about the real test. I'll try to book it for this Friday, otherwise I'd have to wait till 14th August. Loooonnngggg wait. I really want to pass!

There was this tee shirt that I bought from Melbourne, which says Pop Art, and costs about SGD24.00. I really liked it, but I think I'm not fated to wear it. The first time, I spilled iced Milo on it and the stain wouldn't disappear for a whole week and a half. My mom finally got it out, but the colours got faded. The second time I wore it, (yup, even though the colours are faded) I spilled chocolate gelato ice-cream on it. WHY??!!!! (oh yea, and I spilled the ice-cream everywhere around Ion and Wheelock Place) I got it cleaned with bleach, but I don't know how the tee's holding up. =(

fina

Bling (Confessions of a King)

Aigoo... After all my hard work the night before, I realised that I missed out Daesung's name from the jigsaw of Keobuki Islanders up there. FYI he's the one in between the robot's legs (not on purpose, of course). So I will have to add it, then re-upload the picture, then replace it in the code.

I was suddenly hit with a very strong craving for something this afternoon. And no, it had nothing to do with me fasting and being hungry. Because it was a craving for something I've never tasted before, something called ddeokbokki, a Korean dish. It's basically rice cakes in chilli stew, or something similar to that. It looks so good in pictures! And I really like starchy food and spicy food. A good match, wouldn't you think? Yup, I think so too.

Plus, in an episode of Idol Army, it's the dish Wooyoung (or Woodong, as he's been christened) of 2PM begged two girls to buy for him. 2PM were fairly new then, so they didn't recognise him. Then he begged the ahjumma (old aunty) to give one to him. He stamped his feet and pleaded, and suggested he advertise for her. So he sang a song about ddeokbokki to passers-by. It was so cute! "DDeokbokki, ddeokbokki~" And he got one for free. Hard work for one piece of ddeokbokki. That passion for ddeokbokki was so... touching. Actually, he was only trying to complete a task set by the producers. But ddeokbokki still sounds good.

Now I want one too! Out of all the halal Korean eateries in Singapore, not one sells ddeokbokki, to my knowledge, even after extensive googling. So I want to make some of my own. Mission for this week: get some ddeokbokki!

Next week's my hall camp, to which I don't know if I should look forward. It's six days long, and I want to completely slack at home before school begins! Bahhh-. Can't believe I'll be staying at a hostel. Won't be able to see anyone from my family for 5/6 days every week, and I'll have to go all the way back home every weekend. Troublesome, really. I'll totally miss my room, and KBS World. We'll see how it goes after 2 months. Maybe I'll be able to take travelling back and forth every day.

For now, it's 2:20 in the morning (time for some music by 2AM! lol) and I have to go iron some clothes. Good night to you, good day to me.

fina

Ddeokbokki, ddeokbokki~

Let me go to sleep now.

Another fully sleepless night, editing the pictures for my blogskin. Extremely useless work, but i enjoy doing it. Once you get one picture, you've just gotta get more. I started from scratch again so that i could fit in more people. Really, Keobuki Island is getting over-populated brcause of this.

Yesterday's sleepless night was spent watching "My Tutor Friend" on mysoju.com. Nice movie. I wanna watch the sequel!

I'm sleeping during the day 'cos I'm fasting (paying back last year's absenteeism. I'm really tardy, I know). So I stay up, eat breakfast at 5, sleep at 6, then wake up in the afternoon and break my fast at sundown. You'd think I'd be bored staying up so late alone, but there's always something to do. Never anything actually productive, but i always have a good time.

I'm going to sleep now. I think only I (and maybe Pat) will take any notice of the pictures in my blogskin, but it brightens up my day. So I'm happy.

good morning. guten morgen. annyeonghi jumushyossoyo. selamat pagi. zzzz

fina

jokwon: britneyspears christinaaguilera jyp2am2pmwondergirls...

wooyoung: i am fogi.

I've been back since Tuesday 12:00AM, but haven't posted because I've been trying to create a new blogskin (I was inspired by Pat's blogskin!).

But here's something really cute and funny:

There's this cute kid actor that they've asked to make five different facial expressions, and then they ask Nichkhun to do it too. But the seriously funny part comes when they get this old guy (some celebrity or other) to do it.

Will post pictures soon!

It's 11.34pm in Melbourne, which makes it 9.34 back home. I'm back from what has been the most tiring day I've ever had in Australia: Toboggan-ing on Mount Baw Baw!

My first time seeing snow, and it was such a surprise! The guy down the mountain wouldn't rent us toboggans because he said the snow might be too little for that, so I wasn't expecting much. But as it turned out, there was loads of snow! And although the snow suits we rented was to keep the cold out, it got pretty warm because of the sun's reflection off the snow, and running up the slope as soon as we'd slid down.

Tobogganing just basically means sledding down a slope. It's so fun! The only thing was I had to apologise to many people each time I went down the slope, cos I ran into everyone!

Will update with pictures when I get home and self-quarantine! Seriously though, nothing in Melbourne points towards any swine flu problem. Strange.

fin*

\\would you believe I've bought 14 tops so far? ... money's running out! $200 left//

Hey guys, I'm in Melbourne, like, finally! I flew in alone from Perth on 1st July, then on the same day drove for like 10 hours with my cousins and their dad's friends to Sydney. And now I'm finally back in Melbourne. Glad to feel comfy again, cos the cabin in Sydney was serously darn cold even though Sydney's supposed to be warmer than Perth.

I must say, I reall really really miss Perth and Singapore. Singapore mostly because I miss showering without shivering and watching Korean shows amd eating food that actually has spice. (And family, of course) Perth, because I miss everyone!

Staying with Pat and Dan at Aunty Marie's (Dan's aunt) house was so fun. We shopped for our own breakfast, but sometimes Aunty Marie cooks yummy familiar food for us. The house is so comfy and welcoming, and we saved on transport since Aunty Marie almost always helped us find someone to drop us off. I think it was only on Sunday that we took a bus somewhere... and got caught in the rain afterwards haha. Silly us!

Most of all I miss the company. Holidays fee different when you're with friends, because each day seems like an exciting new adventure. Plus we're all shopping junkies, so we had the same objective in going out haha. We got to touch kangaroos and a wombat, a lizard and a koala. We explored a prison. We ate Perth's Top 5 fish and chips (at two different places). We love Supre! And we love Aunty Marie! Haha. Wish my time in Perth didn't fly by so fast...

But now I'm in Melbourne, so I fully intend to enjoy myself and shop like mad at all the factory outlets and markets. Will write more!

Pictures will be uploaded when I get home, cos there's lots.

fin*


Would you believe I took a plane all by myself from Perth to Melbourne without any mishaps? I did leave my jacket at the security screening place, but I got it back, so no harm done.

Gosh... The trip to Sri Lanka was so, so fun. But now it's 3.45 in the morning, and my luggage is inadequate to fit in everything I need, so I may need to carry two hand-carry luggage including a laptop, as well as my heavy over-budget thick down jacket. I'm not finished with packng. I'm tired. I'm in an absolutely bad mood.

I'd already started writing a long long happy post about events last week, but had to postpone it since I'm lacking enough time. And it looks like it'll have to be postponed again. *Yawns*

Good night y'all. I'm going to sleep regardless of whether I've finished doing everything that needs to be done before I leave. I wonder if NTU will take harsh action if documents come in a day late...

fin*

Finally, I shall try to post without mentioning Korean pop people that are obscure to everyone but me! Thus, I shall not say that Kyu Jong of SS501 has put out his solo teaser for the 2o minute SS501 music video...

I keep wanting to post stuff that's been going on, but whenever I get to the com, I always get sidetracked by other things (like AllKpop.com...)

Even now I'm on my way out to shop for a nice warm jacket and hat, so I won't be able to post much. But I swear, one of these days, I will blog substantially about my life, and not other people who aren't even in Singapore (and some not even of legal age).

OK, that's it for now. Uber short, but it's only the beginning of a two-part non-Kpop series haha.

fin*

Shorts:

DFS met up!

Met Dan and Pat!

Stopped work!

Went out with cousins!

My cousin got married!

Onew, Taemin, Key, Minho, Jonghyun

I've been wanting to do a SHINee post for some time now, and since I'm free at work now, here it goes!

Basically, SHINee (pronounced shiny) is a group made up of five guys, most of whom are younger than you and me. The youngest was born in 1993! Their fanbase is made up largely by older noonas (which is what boys call older sisters), since anyone born before December 1989 is a noona. And boy, do these noonas lavish their power of love and money over these guys! There's a story about the expensive gifts they bought for one of the members for his birthday. And they do that for every member's birthday!They sing well, and they dance well. And they wear bright, tight pants and strange tops. There's something feminine about more than half of K-pop boybands, but I've taken it as nothing to gasp over. Anyways, most of the K-pop boybands are prettier than you and I.

First up, their leader:

His name's Onew, but his real name's Lee Jinki. IMHO the least good-looking member of the band, but he's cute when he smiles. He's also the oldest in the band, born in December 14th 1989, which could partly be why he's the leader.

He's 181 cm tall, which is tall, whichever way you look at it, especially since the average height of South Korean males is 173cm, and that's the tallest in all of Asia! Haha

He does the vocals in the group. I think he has a rather nice, clean and strong voice. Did I mention that they sing well LIVE? haha

Anyways, for his birthday, the noonas gave him, among other things, a CD player, an iPod Touch, a digital camera, and a whole bunch of expensive colognes like Versace, Bvlgari, Boss and CK (and more!) See, noona-fans are better than pre-teen girls because they have money!

Second:

Jonghyun!! Finally, someone our age! He's an April 8th 1990 baby, and the shortest in the group at 173cm, which is average. His nickname's Bling Bling Jonghyun. Don't ask me why; maybe he likes SHINee stuff.

My first impression of him (when I first saw their A.Mi.Go. mv) was that he's the handsomest in the group. Because everybody else is just pretty. Haha But look at the jaw on that boy! Sharp enough to cut paper!

He does lead vocals in the group. His abilities are off the charts! He sings really high notes, and even live it sounds good. So good! I'm in awe everytime he sings live! He's the one who really carries the group vocally.

Third...:
Key! His real name's Kim Ki Bum, but I guess they changed it since there are like two other Kim Ki Bums in the music industry (one from Super Junior, the other from U-Kiss), and a Kim Bum (as Pat may well know). He's one year younger than us, born on September 23rd 1991.

He was a model before he joined the group (well, most of them are anyways), and he's 177cm if I'm not wrong.

He does vocals, and raps too. If you hear a deeper voice singing in any of the SHINee songs, you'll know it's him. I like him , 'cause I like people who are multi-talented. His looks are a plus too haha. But then, all of them look good.


Fourth is:
Minho!He has the funniest of all the nicknames - they call him Flaming Charisma Minho! I pity the poor boy; I'll bet he wasn't the one who chose it. He's one year younger than us (December 9th 1991) but look at when he modelled for Andre Kim...

He looks older than us, and so handsome! He hadn't even turned 17 when he did this gig. It's pictures like this that make me feel paedophilic haha. But who would have guessed that he was 16? *shakes head*

Minho does the main raps in SHINee, and sings sometimes. He's the other deeper voice in the group, besides Key. Can't say much about his singing, except it's in tune. His rapping's okay too, I guess, but I really hated his rap in their newest song called Juliette (It's a re-make of Corbin Bleu's Deal With It, but I don't mind since I haven't heard of Deal with it haha). My favourite rap would have to be in A.Mi.Go, where both he and Key rapped.


Finally, the magnae of the group:

Taemin! He's the noona-magnet, whom he attracts with his sparkly eyes and cute smile. He's a July 18th 1993 baby, which still makes him an illegal good for all the greedy noonas out there. Too bad! Haha

He's quite tall now, but really too skinny for my liking. I'm thinking their management is purposely trying to keep him skinny so he doesn't grow up too fast and lose all the noona-fans, but seriously, boy needs to eat. He looks too thin to be healthy for a sixteen year old boy! Just watch any Juliette video or performance, since it's the most recent (and while you're doing that, you can check out Jonghyun's singing too! Don't really dig the song, but Jonghyun is an attraction in himself).
He's the lead dancer of the group, having choreographed alot of their moves. Many have commented that they're like invertebrates, since they dance so smoothly that it looks like they have no backbones. Haha such unflattering description, but they really do look good dancing. Taemin doesn't sing solos much, although you can hear him in Juliette.




Okay, so that's it for SHINee. Lots of pictures. =))

fin*

okay, SS501 next!