How nice would it be if I could be open about my self and my experiences? No more hiding, no more pretenses. It may even be helpful to someone.

But it's not a possibility right now.

I should not have let my GPA slip so much this past year. Is it still possible to bring it up to a First Class Honours?

Whyyyyy does any feeling of ambition have to kick in only now? Hahahahahha.

UPDATE: Okay, looks like it's impossible to bring it up to First Class. :( Okay then.

Lunch?

I want to break into a country-wide grin and squeal really loud, but as always there's something holding me back and telling me not to get too excited, that I'll just disappoint myself with high hopes and unrealistic expectations. It's a fine balance between wanting to be happy and believing that you're worth it, and trying not to make a fool of yourself for believing the impossible.

So what happens now?

First you feel sad about one thing, and then you feel sad about another. And now you just feel like one huge fucking ball of sadness.

Let loose in Korea.

Small update: I've been in South Korea for 12 days now. It's an amazing fact in itself because 1) I never thought I'd be back here so soon after finishing my exchange stint last year, 2) it was/is so good to be here with family, and 3) to be here on holiday for this long is unprecedented, to me (Perth and Melbourne don't count because I stayed for free the entire time).

YAYYYYYYY I'M HERE!!!!!!

Haha okay, I just needed to get that little explosion of jubilation out.

On the 6th of June, my parents, sister and I boarded our flight to Seoul at 9.35am, almost right after my father finished his night shift at work. We arrived around 9.10 that night, after a brief transit at HKIA, and with the next morning thus began our adventures in Korea.

We had two full days all to ourselves, during which we visited Gyeongbokgung (not for too long; my parents got tired of the architecture by the time we got to the Queen's private chambers), Namdaemun market (which my mum LOVED, and visited again by herself on the second day), Banpo Bridge Rainbow Musical Fountain, Myeongdong, went on the DMZ tour, caught a Nanta performance, and of course, had 3 out of 4 meals at Itaewon. Zipping around here and there all made possible by taking taxis, and not public transport, of course.

Then on the 9th, a Saturday, we met our tour group members at Gimpo Airport, and off we went to Jeju Island! Places we got to explore included a park filled with stone sculptures made by just one man (not Hallim Park, not the Stone Park), Mysterious Road, the seaside, Seongeup Folk Village, Seongsan Ilchulbong Peak, Seojikoji (where they filmed the drama 'All In'), horseriding (only the young'uns, sadly; I was too chicken to go for it without my family members), Cheonjiyeon waterfall, the Teddy Bear Museum (LOADS of fun!), Yeongdu-am (Dragon Head) rock, and various fields of flowers and (fake) fruits for photo-ops.

Monday the 11th saw all of us taking a flight back to Seoul, where another family of 6 joined our tour group, before being carted off to Everland where I had wagon-loads of fun from taking the wooden roller coaster there, the T-Express, with my mum (brave girl!), and the whole family going on the safari bus tour. We then went to the Yeoju Premium Outlets (Nad's most anticipated attraction), before travelling for hourssss to reach a traditional hanok village homestay to stay the night. 

When we arrived around 10 that night, filming for the Korean drama Gakshital (Bridal Mask) was still going on, so I was a little embarrassed to find crew staring at us for making so much noise when walking through the village with our roller luggage bags. But no, we did not see the actors anywhere; they were somewhere further in than our houses. And they'd left by the time we had breakfast the next morning. Too bad. But I truly enjoyed sleeping in a hanok village; the toilet was modern, the room was cute, the floor we slept on was heated, and the different architecture of houses of different ranks were interesting. I'd repeat the experience in a heartbeat.

We got to take a train from a popular seaside train station, Jeongdongjin station, to Gangneung station, where we re-boarded our tour bus to Mount Seorak. The view from its peak was an enchanting sight to behold, especially after the thrill of climbing to the top with my dad, on nothing but our hands and common shoes, without the safety of railings and paved stone steps. Felt good to be at the top, and it felt even better (marginally) to be there first out of our entire tour group (cheap victory? I'll still take it)

On the day we returned to Seoul city, we got to visit Nami Island first, and almost everybody in the group rented a bicycle to see the sights. My family got two single bikes for my mum and me, and a double for my dad and my sister, who hasn't fully mastered the two-wheeled mode of transportation. So, so fun. I miss cycling. Next was a stop at an amethyst factory, and then at Dongdaemun, where my parents had the most fun at the Pyeonghwa wholesale building, instead of Doota where we were dropped off. 

And of course, along the way, besides the halal Indian food we sampled here and there, we got to try a lot of traditional Korean food, like the pollack soup, and grilled mackerel.

On the morning of the 14th, at 7.20 am, my parents left for the airport to head back home. My dad had an afternoon shift to catch the next day. And my tour group left the hotel at 9am to continue their tour. My sister and I were finally, truly, on our own in Korea.

Truth be told, the two of us missed our parents and tour group a lot the first (two?) day/s. We'd had so much fun together as a group, and it was like a buffer against our own foreigness in a foreign land, having these other Malay people around us all the time. When Nad and I were on our own, we had to face locals without parent-buffers, and lacked the resources to skip maximum-exposure transport mediums like the subway.

I say this as if I've never been to Korea, never lived here for 4 and 1/2 months. But somehow it feels different this time, because I'm here without Aishah, Pat, Gerry, and Anne. This time, I'm the one in the driver's seat, and it's been a year since I've touched the pedal. 

Nad and I haven't done much since we were left to our own devices. Our first day, we just did laundry at the guesthouse before having a Mr Pizza dinner. And so far, in the past 5 days, we've only gone to Insa-dong, Myeongdong, a baseball game (strange experience, that one!); and Toseon and PIFF Square in Busan. Maybe we're just not motivated to leave the comforts of the guesthouse, or maybe we've been tired out by 7 straight days of activity.

But I think the cause is more likely to be me. When I was in Busan on the exchange program, I went out to town and did things as infrequently as I go to Orchard Road in Singapore. Because I lived there. So my days were not spent in endless business. They were spent interspersed with school, with mundane stuff like laundry and dormitory meals, and just hanging around Hadan at Starbucks, at Vongole, at Ediya, at E-Mart. I was here as a student that lived here, not as a tourist.

And now that I'm here in the capacity of a tourist, I'm out of sorts as to what to do. 

Today, our first morning in Busan, we'd been too comfortable in our private double room to leave early. And then the first thing we did when left at 2.30pm was hardly touristy at all - I brought Nad to Toseong-yeok, where I used to have my classes, to have lunch at the small restaurant I used to frequent between classes. We had Cheese Ramyeon and Cheese Ra-pokki (a mix of ddeokbokki and ramyeon) and saw briefly the exterior of the school buildings. 

When we went to PIFF Square for Ho-ddeok (YUMMY ricecake patty filled with sugar and nuts), it was raining, so it, plainly, sucked. It sucked for us so much that we took the subway back to Haeundae to seek refuge in our room. Nampo-dong didn't seem as fabulous with rain dampening the day, as it usually does. So we both didn't have fun, and I have failed in my role as tour guide.

Now Nad is sleeping soundly; it's already hit 8pm on our first full day in Busan. With rain being the forecast for tomorrow as well, I'm feeling reluctant to carry out my original plan of going to the Pusandae area for another try at shopping. So what will I do tomorrow as a tourist in Busan?

Maybe I'll just try to keep it indoors, like Centum City and S-Funz which are nearby the guesthouse. Or maybe we'll go local, and stay indoors tomorrow, like so many people seemed to do today, what with the streets being so empty today. Either way, it will probably be deemed another failure in touristy terms, but in the local context, I hope it'll seem at least a little enjoyable.

Graduation project starts next semester, and we have to write a proposal for it as our final assignment for HS401 this semester. Yet, I don't have a clear idea about what I want to research next sem. I've had a few ideas bouncing around in this skull of mine, but I don't know how feasible they are, nor have I been yet bothered enough to check. Plus, there's always the issue of certain topics being a little too sensitive for me to study :\

How scary is it to think that in a year and a few months from now, I'll have finished with school? And then find a job I must, and with that carry more responsibility than I have ever been accustomed. Pay all those pesky loans, show up for work everyday, act a certain appropriate way, perform well under pressure, answer to strangers who are not there to teach me but to judge me. How scary is that?

Helloooooooo... Is anybody home...?

This blog has been in slumber for almost a year now, that it feels absolutely strange to be typing in complete sentences, line after line, of only my own words. I've been glued to tumblr ever since the couple of days of procrastinating on Bill's damned report last year, and on tumblr I usually copy and paste quotes, or just add a few words as commentary on an article, or as a caption to a few pictures. So blogging... not quite used to it.

Year 3 sem 2 is beginning tomorrow, officially. I've only one class registered, so I'll have to begin hunting for classes. I don't want to face the reality of it, so instead, I'll look back on some of the fun I've had this past vacation period.

As soon as exams ended, I did the usual - slacking, reading, going out, shopping...

Amalina came back before exams even began, so I'd begun going out to the movies and shopping even two days before my first paper. And we watched Breaking Dawn Part I the day of my last paper. Siti arrived on the 2nd of December, and we went out some more! Nenek and their other grandma always complain that we monopolise their time while their in Singapore, but we can't help it! There's always so much to do, so much to see, so many plans that we come up with that have to be carried out for the fun-ness of it. We went out for shopping, for meals, to cycle, to Johor Baru, to Universal Studios Singapore, to fly kites, to crash polytechnic open houses, etc... And they sleep over a lot, in order to make it easier to do all these activities with us, or just to sleep over. And all this = FUN!!

Thursday, the fifth of January - USS - FINALLY I WENT TO USS! AND IT WAS FRIGGIN' AWESOME! And I can't believe my mum took Battlestar Galactica's Cylon with us! She felt dizzy after that but kudos to her (and Nadhirah) for taking it. We took lots of pictures (it felt like a lot to me, because I don't usually like being the subject of photos), and we rode lots of rides. We took the Transformers ride thrice - twice in a row during the last 20 minutes before the park closed. Transformers would be my numero uno at USS, followed by the Revenge of the Mummy ride, and then Battlestar Galactica's Human, because these rides were just the perfect amount of fun and scary. I always knew I like thrill rides, but now I feel primed for the ultimate leap - who wants to go sky diving with me? :D

On Friday and Saturday, I crashed several polytechnic open houses with my cousins Diyanah, Sabrina, Amalina and Siti, and my sister, mostly to keppo around and get freebies. I won't say anything bad about any of the open houses, but I have to say that NP was my favourite. Ngee Ann's was soooo fun, mainly because of the guide we got, and the interactive stuff during the School of Film and Media Studies tour, and all the other booths around. All of us were given the goodie bags, even though only two of us were O-level students. We even got free doughnuts! And we only had to scream at a camera "NP is Xtraordinary because of:" to get free teeshirts. Awesome freebies must mean awesome school to attend hahaha.

And talking about those NP teeshirts... on Sunday, all of us decided to wear that same teeshirt to go fly kites at Marina Barrage (...I was inspired by the kite-flying picnic I had there with Syaz and Diana earlier on Monday heheh ...). It rained, but it didn't rain on our parade!

Ahh... I hate that school begins soon. My mind is so out of practice. Last semester's grades sucked. And I don't want them to suck no more :(