back at the comp!
hahah

another week of work
i kinda like it
except of course, when the system breaks down, and i can't do my work and meet the quota
i don't even mind having to leave my house at 6.35
i sleep on the bus on the way there

hmm, i came online to write on my blog
and when i was signing in, i caught a picture of me when in sec 1
u noe, after cheering com, in the k-yorz tee and soccer shorts
me, tipah, sarah, jannah and anum
and i realised, i've grown alot since my younger days

i'm alot more mature now, which is expected cos it's been four years since that day
but i've also evolved, in a way
i'm more confident, which is definitely an improvement
and i am more independent, though not by much
but most of all, i believe, and stand by, my own convictions

...

i've always been a little sentimental
nostalgia comes easily
especially since i miss a lot of things from school days
like people i haven't been really keeping in touch with
or the easy routine i fell into once school commenced
or just the feeling that i had no big decisions to make
and the first example of the thing i miss
is really mostly my fault
hmm...
depressing thoughts, i've been indulging in

on a happier note, there is one thing that work has in common with school
the presence of eye candy! hahah
not in my department though
nothing like that particular subject to bring a girl's mood up, huh?
hahah

met sharifah and sarah on tuesday
and guess what?
i'm going to the innova jc open house on the 10th
hahah
i think it'll be fun
i'm going with my cousin and sis
anyone else wanna come?
call me! the more, the merrier, i always say

anyway, so far, i've been to three poly open houses
rp, tp, and nyp
could've gone to more, but with work and all...
man, i regret not going to jc openhouses last eyar
except for rjc, of course
open houses are fun
hahah
each school puts out something different
for rp, i like the fact that they showcase soemthing fun about every diploma
that, and the fact that almost the entire building is air-conditioned
hahah
as for tp, that's where hady was
nuff said
hahah
as for nyp, the dance cometition was fantastic
innovative dance moves and all
i may have my own criticisms of the dances, but for now, i'll keep them to myself
oh yeah, and jade seah was one of the judges

which reminds me, i gotta go catch the dance floor
till next time

fina

over a week has passed since i've updated
but good news:
I'm employed! woohooo!

a data entry job, $50 a day
quite ok
air-con-ed, backrest, free drinks from the vending machine, executive toilet...
hahah

i kind like it, though it's kinda troublesome sometimes
the job's in tampines, so i leave at 6.40 to make it by 8.10
(it starts at 8.30)

but it's ok
i sleep on the bus
the work's ok too

but my bigger news is:
i've come face to face with hady!!
yup! mohd mirzahady bin amir
hahah
ok, at tp open house, we came at 8.30 for the 9.45 am registration
just so we could get seats in front of hady
and we sat directly behind the vips, third row
at eye level with hady
and he sang to us, talked to US

i swear, i never know what to do when he makes eye-contact with the audience
which stars are supposed to do
whenever he looks at me, i freeze (and it was bleeding cold in there)
(did i mention i'm like, the exact centre of the centre row?)

but the last few lines of "you give me wings" he looked at me
right at me
perasaan... hahah
but it was so...AHHHH!
hahah
anyway, then he sat two rows down from us
and diyanah got to ask for his autograph!
i tried afterwards, but his ppl said not to disturb him :(

anyway, after that, he was to perform again at the students' cafe
and diyanah and i were right in front, right in the centre
this time standing, so we were like really close to him

hahah
anyway, he was supposed to throw posters into the crowd, when suddenly
he bent down, smiled and gave one to diyanah
i was, of course happy for her, but a little teeny-weeny bit jealous

hahah
anyway, after a few more posters were thrown, he bent down, smiled and gave one to me!
literally reached down and handed one, specifically, to me
not randomly, like all those other fans in the back
but specifically

hahah:))))

so exciting
i was shocked at first
i just stared at the bloody thing
then my common sense hit me in the head
and i grabbed it
hahah

anyway, after that, he sang ordinary people by john legend
and off he went, accompanied by his posse, off to the god-knows-where


wasn't that exciting?!
hahah

anyway, that day, i was seriously considering going to poly
taking tourism and resort management, accounting or mass comm

the mass comm tour of their studios was great
that made me really want to take mass comm
before this, though i'd thought of becoming a dj or something,
i never actually thought of mass comm as a choice

i just thought, so many people will surely want to take it
and with only two poly's offering it, and only ard 90 student intakes for tp,
not a chance

haish...
to poly, or not to poly?
to jc, or not to jc?

those, my friends, are the hard, life-changing, risky questions

this morning, i woke up feeling miserable
the job at kfc seemed really daunting
all the codes and procedures and you have to be polite while typing everything down?
i didn't think i could do it

today, i'm not going for the third day of the orientation
in fact, i'm quitting
the person said don't give up like your colleague
i don't want to disappoint the supervisor
but it's better her than the customers

cos i'm sure to bungle up the whole job anyway
anyway, i'm not exactly giving up
i'm just leaving this job for a better one
yup!

this morning, a phone call came for me
like a ray of light shining down from heaven on a dark, rainy day
(yup, it's still raining)
so i'm going there on monday
and if all goes well on monday, then i start immediately on monday
no jeans or sneakers, only officewear

i'm so excited!
i've been praying about this since... forever!
and now, alhamdulillah, here's a golden opportunity
and i hope i make the most of it

yesterday was a really crazy day though
after the four hour course at the kfc place
it was raining, not heavily at first
and we(syaz, inessa and i)'d gotten free zingers
being hungry, we just decided that, sod sanity, we'll just eat whilst walking in the rain

so there we were, three crazy looking, drenched, teenagers,
walking in the rain, eating burgers
luckily, my hand is big, and covered most of the burger
so my burger didn't really get that wet
and i used the box to cover it between bites
so it's fine

we even opted to walk in the rain even though we were right beside a shelter
and by then, the rain was really heavy
but we trudged on
hahah

it was really fun
and liberating
it was like we were free from propriety
and were doing what is natural- eating in the rain

this post will be a really long one
cos i will be narrating my dream from this morning
just for the sake of it

anyway, there's this girl
who was me, but younger
and i'm like, the daughter of this guy who's an inventor and really interested in basketball
i dunno why, dun ask me

anyway, for some reason, the people of this small town don't like me
i was somehow a freak for being smart and good at basketball at the same time
after this town event, where i'm shunned again
and there's this boy
who's like the town's coolest boy
but he treats me like a friend

we hugged (innocently, i'm still a kid in this one)
and i don't know what to say
all i'm doing is staring at this poster behind him
and suddenly it snows!
my first time experiencing real snow
(in other dreams, my snow was fake, made by this machine on top of a building)
and it's really nice and soft and magical

then out of nowhere, a hot air balloon comes floating into town
and floats down in front of me
and i jump inside
without thinking anything except, this is a good opportunity

and i have two friends with me
( did i mention i'm ang moh in this one? so nobody in this dream resembles anyone i know)
one made it inside
when i was adjusting the flame, making it bigger so it could carry us up
the hot air balloon suddenly floated up while another, bigger friend (??about my brother's size??) was trying to come in with a bag loaded with supplies
so she's left up down there while we're floating

then i lower the flame so the balloon floats back down
and she gets in with the heavy bag
but now the balloon won't budge
the balloon part of the hot air balloon starts drifting down before i get the chance to really increase the flame
and when i do that, the balloon catches fire
and as i'm looking up at the burning balloon, my dreams fly away

we evacuate the balloon, while the snow and wind takes care of extinguishing the balloon
but it doesn't end on that bad note
no, cos there's an epilogue

here it is:
like, after that event, maybe a few months or years
all i remember is that i'm older
i'm in my home's indoor basketball court

and my dad's giving me pointers while i'm scoring
but guess who's with me?
it's the cool cute guy
and he's there with me
and i remember feeling happier in that part of my dream than before

so the moral of this story/ dream is:
if for some reason, you missed an opportunity due to external factors, like god's will,
there's probably a reason, you know
like in this dream, it turned out not everyone in town wanted me gone
i actually still had a reason to stay
so missing the opportunity to run away and gain happiness from a hostile town
gave me the chance to connect with the person who wanted me to stay
and who gave me a reason to stay,
and i felt happy, a different kind of happy from if i had run away, but happy, nonetheless


BUT
this does not give you an excuse to miss opportunities
it just makes you feel better about missing them if it wasn't your will to miss them


so, go on, take that opportunity
it might just be the perfect thing for you

ugh
for some reason, i can't play back the videos from youtube
but
if you still wanna look at it, just search " travis and heidi - contemporary" and "that eyeliner dance" and they'll appear

AND
to recommend you another dance
search "travis heidi afro pop" in case you can't see the one below
it's so cute... w'happy mama...
hahah


anyway, i'm not jobless!
i've got a job as a customer service agent with kfc
my salary monthly will be about $568
if i work 8 hours a day religiously for six days a week for four weeks
with the deduction of the usual expenses such as transport and lunch

haish
if you work for snow city you get $6-7 an hour

however, i think i'm glad i'm not working for mcD in the same line
cos kfc's delivery menu is really basic
no meals, no drinks
however, for mcD, you have meals, upsize or not, drinks you can choose form, alot more choices
really complicated menu
so as a worker, i'm happy with kfc

i'm still in the training stages
it may seem easy, but it's kinda complicated
you have to multi-task, remember codes, remember the process, be polite, speak clearly

so i really wanna do well
and not get scolded ever

HELP!

hmmm...
so the post before was a really, really weird one
i sounded hopeless, didn't i?
hahah

well, i usually save that kind of ranting for my personal diary
the kind of ranting through which i pour out every feeling i have at that moment

anyways, in lieu of angst in the previous entry
i had ommitted several glaringly obvious things i should have mentioned
like:

my new skin!
hahah
i watched the star wars vcd that syaz lent me
episode III (still haven't returned it... sorry!)
and fell in love with hayden all over again
and then decided to create a skin on him
i was getting tired of draco malfoy anyway

hahah
did u watch so u think u can dance yesterday?
i'm so glad travis did well yesterday
I LOVE YOU TRAVIS!
such a sweetheart
his dancing and expression and movement are all so sincere
and he's just so cuute!
hahah
i like his hair
not what you'd expect on a contemporary dancer
too bad benji wins (i think)
i think benji is too over sometimes

i remember this dance that travis did
on a park bench on stage?
with heidi
but it was so heartbreakingly touching
not to mention their afro pop dance and smooth waltz yesterday
again, another one of my favourites
travis and heidi rock!
and the results show dance choreographed by mia
it was nice!
i hope channel5 show a repeat broadcast of the show soon

heheh
anyway, i'm unemployed!
something i hope never to be in the future when i really need a job
hahah
going for an interview tomorrow
two, if i can make it
if i fail at both
i'll start scouring the classifieds section of the straits times

toodles!


p.s. watch these videos...
they rock together!

right now i'm feeling depressed
my heart feels like it's being squeezed tightly
and my breathings a little laboured

i was just thinking about what i've done with my time since my long holiday commenced
have i come out of my shell?
met new people?
become braver?

or have i just stayed me?
boring old me
rotting away at home
while reading of others' exciting escapades into new worlds and experiences
envying others and regretting my decision to not attend first-three-months' orientation


i'm feeling really tired and old right now
and it's not due to the fact that it's nearly two in the morning

great oppurtunities come and go
and i'm too wimpy to seize them
carpe diem, they say
i ask them, tamen quam?
how do i seize the day?
when regrets plague me, and confidence just evades me
when old mistakes come into play
and my past becomes the obstacle between me and my goals
when realization, enlightenment, and thoughtfulness come to me only now
and even then, they're not enough

tamen quam?

dilemmas are common occurrences in life
people deal with it differently
some deal with it well, others just mess up their actions
i don't want to end up in the latter category
but how to make sure that what you're doing is the right thing?
how do we guarantee that our decision won't come back to haunt us in the deep recesses of the night?

you know what i think?
i think there is no guarantee
nothing to absolutely ensure that what we're doing is the best thing for us
play it safe your whole life, and you'll miss out on life itself
but take risks without consideration for consequences, and you might just die too young

thinking out problems requires analysation and reflection
and taking risks demands gumption paired with just a dose of recklessness
but wherefrom are these qualities found?

i realise there's no time to be shy, no time to be a wimp
if what you're seeking is a fulfilling life
i could be happy just living the simple life
just me, the sky, and my dreams
but dreams alone take you nowhere
at least, they don't in this reality

so what must i do to redeem myself in my own eyes?
steal off into another country and learn independence by surviving on my own?
a step too far, i would think
baby steps first, that's what i need
and someone to hold my hand


it's 2.25 in the morning now
i feel drained
and a little nauseous
or maybe it's just the medication i just took
for the volcano sized ulcer at the junction
where my last molars of my upper and lower jaws meet
i didn't treat it at all the first week i had it
thought that if i ignore it, the sharp, shooting pain will go away
my attitude towards most problems, i admit
and now the pain has spread to the nerves under my jaw, in my cheek, a little ways down my neck
i can't open my mouth, talk, chew, swallow pills, or wet my lips without experiencing pain
i should have confronted the problem as soon as i was faced with it
yet another of my regrets

so i guess this just goes to show
that i am a wimp when it comes to anything
even a simple ulcer

i know, i'm being over-dramatic about an ulcer
but it's just a small part of the big picture
just a simile of what life is like
and an example of what will happen if i trudge on through life
the way i'm doing now
just managing

urghh
it's 2.30
and i wanna lie my head down on the keyboard
and die

but not just yet.