today was a particularly depressing (or emo) day for me

i have no idea why...

hmm... thoughts about death and suicide?
hahah, don't panic yet
the thoughts aren't about my suicide, per se
just suicide in general

sparked by all those tales of a particular teacher in our school (let's call him shawty, shall we?) and a student's suicide in recent years

all that made me think of why we're being so stressed out by school and teachers, which led me to ask the meaning of life

"...there is no meaning to life. we do all this studying to earn the most money, to gain material goods, to gatify ourselves. but wouldn't need to if there was no life. so we might as well die. everyone should die..."

okay, that line above was not said in all seriousness
so don't worry just yet
it was a "tickle-me-emo" parody (watch you-tube)
but so far, i've concluded that it is impossible to figure that out until we die, then revelation comes (or we just... disappear)

now, the fast way to attain that is to kill yourself
but that's sinful, and it will take a lot for you to take that final step towards suicide, since you're stepping into the unknown

the harder way to find the meaning of life, is through contemplation and meditation (for a couple of years, at least)
but in this fast-paced world where it is almost absolutely necessary to be doing something to earn money, meditation would take too much time and effort, and it's not a sure thing, anyway

so, what should we do?
*shrugs* i'm not sure either

two options: conform and enslave yourself to this society's stupid pressures, or find a way to break free and make your own way into your world, on your own terms
the first option is easier, in a way, while the second requires gumption and creativity (and the means)

ouh, i just wanna kill myself...
(see how emo i am??)

on a lighter note, i finally watched ratatouille!
went with steph just now, to marina square
nice movie XD
the thing was, i got home at 8.15, because there was a stupid traffic jam on a stupid bus that had to take a long route (960)
broke my fast on the bus, with the hersheys kiss-ables i'd bought just in case
but i wasn't really that hungry, even when i got home,
so t'wasn't so bad

and on a lighter, more "typical-schoolgirl-bimbotic" note, i am so madly infatuated with big bang!
no, not the supposed bang from which the universe began (that's totally wrong, btw, there was no bang)
it's this korean boyband, whom i haven't even heard sing as a group
(they're on this documentary on mtv, that's where i heard of them)
but some of them are so cute!
my favourite-est of all is the youngest member, Lee Seung-Hyun, or Seungri
he's my age
not your age, no, but my age (unless you were born on my birthday)
yup, he's exactly my age, a Dec 12 baby
heehee
he just looks so cute with his specs on
and he's the best dancer of the group

the left-most guy, with specs
i know, he doesn't look so cute here
but he has such a shy smile, with sleepy eyes, and the specs, and spiky-ish hair
just... *swoons*
hahah


such bimbotic talk
hahah
but it balances out all that emo talk i had in the beginning of the day

bleargh
we should all just die

fina

(yup, my last sentence was a joke. don't panic so quickly! :P )